


I'm Always Curious

by youvebeenlivingfictional



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Angst, Because when is it not with me, Cause sometimes as fic authors We Make Up Stuff, Excessive use of Star Trek language names, F/M, Fluff, Kissing, Pining, Pre-Discovery, Slow Burn, Yearning, plus some fake Star Trek language names
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-01-01 23:42:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 29,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21151886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youvebeenlivingfictional/pseuds/youvebeenlivingfictional
Summary: The first half of the journey had been fine: we’d paired off and ventured into caves that showed no life signs and minimal damage. But after a couple of hours, a harsh storm had blown in, jamming communications between the rest of the away team, as well as the Enterprise.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure if I'll make this a series or not. Considering it, though?

“Is there anything you dislike about Starfleet?”  
  
I cast Captain Pike a wary look. There wasn’t a ton of space between us; the path narrowed the farther in we got, and the Captain had insisted we stay close to the mouth of the cave. Once the storm passed, we’d be able to make contact with Enterprise, and the rest of the away team.  
  
“When commanding officers ask me questions like that and expect me to answer honestly,” I said, prompting a wry smile from the Captain.  
  
Away missions were rare for Communications officers, and in my experience, it was rarer still that Pike insisted he join them. Uthea CR4 was a Class M planet that had experienced an extinction event hundreds of years ago. The last of the species had retreated into caves, logged their histories on the walls. Our away team had consisted of two scientists, three Communications officers, and the Captain. 

The first half of the journey had been fine: we’d paired off and ventured into caves that showed no life signs and minimal damage. But after a couple of hours, a harsh storm had blown in, jamming communications between the rest of the away team, as well as the Enterprise. Captain Pike had had to coax me away from the histories I’d been translating, reminding me that we’d scanned them and I’d be able to comb through them in more detail once we were back on the ship. 

The Captain and I looked away from one another as thunder rumbled outside. My eyes drifted back to him as lightning illuminated his features. 

"Why do you ask?” I asked after a moment. He turned back to me, shoulders rising and falling in a shrug.  
  
“I’m always curious as to what people consider a drawback when it comes to service. For most, it’s family.” I gave a small head shake.  
  
“No problem for me there, sir.”  
  
“…You seem close to Number One.”  
  
“ ‘Close’ is relative, sir.”  
  
“She considers you a good friend.”  
  
“ 'Good’ is also relative, sir.”  
  
“And now I’m starting to understand why you seem to get along so well with Mr. Spock.” I smiled a little bit, lowering my eyes to my lap.  
  
“… Why did you choose to come on this away mission?” I asked curiously. He shifted in his place, stretching his legs out. They nearly reached the opposite wall.  
  
“Would you believe that a captain can go stir crazy?”  
  
“I would. But you could go on potentially any mission you like. You went out of your way to go on this one.”  
  
“Why do you ask?” He parroted. I shrugged.  
  
“I’m always curious.” That prompted a soft chuckle from the captain.  
  
“These caves, the landscape. Reminds me of home,” He told me.   
  
“And where is home?”  
  
“Mojave. It’s a city on Earth.”  
  
“It’s strange, to think you could find something so familiar millions of lightyears away,” I commented lightly. Pike nodded. There was a faraway look in his eyes; close to me as he might be, I knew the man was millions of miles off.  
  
There had never been a good reason for me to be in such close quarters with Pike. The man was handsome, I’d already known that. He came across as respectful, firm and stern when needed, but kind overall. Una spoke highly of him; the only thing I’d ever heard her rail against was his stubbornness (not that she had any leg to stand on; she was incredibly stubborn in her own right).  
  
“… Lieutenant?”  
  
Not only had I been caught staring, but I had completely missed the fact that he’d started speaking.  
  
“I’m sorry, Captain, I wasn’t attending. What did you say?”  
  
“I asked where you were from.”  
  
“Oh. Earth.”  
  
“Whereabouts?”   
  
“New York.”  
  
“You miss it?” I smiled, nodding.  
  
“At moments. But I prefer the Enterprise.”  
  
“No need to try and convince me, lieutenant.”  
  
“Just being honest, sir.” Another roll of thunder. My eyes followed Pike as he stood and wandered closer to the mouth of the cave. The sky was beginning to lighten.  
  
“Well, I think we can mark your first away mission as a rousing success,” he said sarcastically. I chuckled, pulling my knees up to my chest.  
  
“It’s not so bad. I got to see evidence of a pre-warp civilization in person, feel their etchings under my fingertips… And the company isn’t so bad, either.” It was something I likely wouldn’t have said if I’d had just a lick of self-preservation. But despite the immediate embarrassment I felt after speaking, Pike simply offered me a smile.  
  
The trill of a communicator kept me from saying anything else stupid. Pike unhooked it from his belt.  
  
“Pike here.”  
  
“Captain, we’ve regained transporter power.” I straightened up at the sound of Una’s voice over Pike’s communicator.  
  
“Have you made contact with the rest of the away team?”  
  
“Affirmative. They’ve been beamed aboard.” Pike looked over to me, watching as I stood.  
  
“You ready to go?” He asked. I raised a brow.  
  
“Are you?”  
  
Pike’s lips quirked into a smile before he schooled his face into its typical neutral set.  
  
“Two to beam up, Number One." 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hadn’t had occasion to be around the captain much since our mission on Uthea C4. Now and again we’d nod as we’d pass one another in the hall, or in the mess; we had the chance to make the occasional small talk on the turbolift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta-read

“Need a sparring partner?”  
  
There were very few people in the gym facilities - most were on the machines - treadmills or bikes, but I’d taken to a punching bag. It was my go-to when I was unable to sleep.  
  
I turned to see the Captain coming closer, lips quirked in a half smile. I lowered my hands from where they were positioned, bringing a hand up to steady to bag and stop it from swinging at me again.  
  
“Think you can throw a better swing than the bag?” I asked, nodding back toward it. Pike’s brow raised at the challenge.  
  
“I’m a little out of practice, but I’ll try my best.”  
  
I hadn’t had occasion to be around the captain much since our mission on Uthea C4. Now and again we’d nod as we’d pass one another in the hall, or in the mess; we had the chance to make the occasional small talk on the turbolift.  
  
Pike was not out of practice. Not even _remotely _out of practice. He was light on his feet, and a quick study. A feint that I made once was not a move I could make again; the only thing more distracting than Pike’s movements were the pieces of hair slowly coming unstuck from its typically carefully coiffed style.  
  
“You’re certainly out-swinging the punching bag,” I commented, swiping a bead of sweat off of my forehead. Pike’s lips twitched in a smile.  
  
“Would you like to go back to it? I’m sure it misses you.”  
  
I scoffed a laughed at the taunting, brows raised.  
  
“Okay. You know what, I was taking it easy on you, but that is over with.”  
  
“I know you were,” Pike said, stepping to the side to pick up his water bottle. I raised a brow, watching him take a drink.  
  
“Huh?” I asked.  
  
“I’ve seen you spar with Spock,” Pike said, setting the bottle aside, “And you’ve been pulling your punches. I’d appreciate it if took me seriously, lieutenant.”  
  
I brought my hands back up to position.  
  
“Challenge accepted, Captain,” I beckoned him closer, feeling a thrill at the glint in his eye.  
  
\--  
  
“What’s got you up this late, anyway?” Pike asked. We’d called it after several rounds, the both of us out of breath and sweating. We’d settled on the floor against the wall, side by side this time. I had almost liked it better on either side of a cave - it was easier to sneak glances at him.  
  
“Just one of those nights. Well, ‘nights’,” I brought my hands up, raising quotes around the word nights.  
  
“You asked me,” I lightly nudged Pike’s arm with mine, “What I disliked about Starfleet. And it’s not a gripe so much about Starfleet as it is about, well...Space.”  
  
“Before you air whatever this grievance this is, I should probably warn you that Starfleet operates in space,” Pike warned. I rolled my eyes before I went on:  
  
“I miss seeing the sunrise. _Especially_ on the nights when I couldn’t sleep. It was an end to it, the sun popping up, something to sort of...Shoo me on my way, get me out of bed. Out here, it is just my will against my alarm clock. And I’m very worried that one of these days, my alarm clock is going to win.”  
  
“I’ll let you in on a secret. The alarm clock is _allowed_ to win now and again, as long as you make your shift on time,” Pike said. I laughed, shaking my head.  
  
“God, don’t tell me that, I’ll never have breakfast before my shift _again_.”  
  
Pike pushed off of the floor, holding a hand out to me. I took it, letting him help me up before we split apart to gather our things. We met at the entrance to the to the gym, walking to the turbolift together.  
  
“Do you often go to the gym when you’re restless?” Pike asked as we made the journey to my floor.  
  
“Usually. I’ve found it’s the easiest way to tire myself out,” I said.  
  
“Mind if I join you again, sometime?” Pike asked.  
  
“I’d like that. You’re less of a sore loser than the punching bag,” I teased as I stepped off of the turbolift.  
  
"The company’s not so bad, either?” Pike asked. I turned back to face him, shifting my bag on my shoulder.  
  
“Not bad at all. Goodnight, Captain.”  
  
“Goodnight, lieutenant.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Remind me why this was a good idea,” Pike grunted into his comm.  
  
“Twelve minutes out, sir,” Number One’s voice crackled crisply in response.  
  
"Was that an answer?” Pike asked me, glancing warily in my direction. I might’ve smiled if I could focus on anything but how unbearably hot it was. Our Tholian ‘hosts’ had kindly lowered the temperature of our half of the negotiating room from its customary 404 degrees Fahrenheit to a ‘hospitable’ 102 degrees Fahrenheit (apparently this was so low that they needed to take frequent breaks during our negotiations, leaving us to bake in the room; this seemed excessive, as they had taken the pains to shield themselves behind exothermic screens to ensure their own temperatures wouldn’t drop too drastically).  
  
We’d received a search and rescue order from Admiral Cornwell nearly three hours beforehand - a research vessel, the U.S.S. Anil, had ceased all communication with the Federation shortly after it had dropped out of warp for manual repairs - dangerously close to Tholia Prime. We were still in Federation space, but the Tholians had a reputation of being less than kind to anyone that they deemed a little too close to home, and they had never been friends of the Federation. The Anil had been found, badly damaged and entirely uninhabited. Our engineers were doing what they could now to patch up the vessel now, but that was only one half of the search and rescue.  
  
Pike’s initial attempts to engage with the Tholian vessel in the area had been fruitless; their language consisted of clicks and high-pitched squeaks, and Pike’s usual bridge communications officer, Lieutenant Commander Thaleh, was on leave, and her replacement wasn’t familiar with Tholian. Spock dropped my name, and I’d been able to decode their message - they wouldn’t speak to us on a ship-to-ship basis. I could reply to them in kind in the form of clicking and whistling. Pike and I agreed to beam aboard their ship under the guise of an information swap while Spock and Nhan beamed aboard separately, in secret, and located the crew members of the Anil.  
  
“That was an _Una_ answer,” I said, reaching up and tugging at my collar. We’d been given water, but I knew that if I reached for it now, I’d drain it.  
  
“I won’t tell Number One that you used her name,” Pike gave me a conspirator’s smile, and I returned it.  
  
“Chalk it up to heat exhaustion, Captain,” I returned.  
  
Pike and I straightened as the door opened, the image of the Tholians reemerging behind their screens. They loomed tall, their glowing rhombus-shaped eyes peering at us through the heated screens. Their sound system crackled to life, and a series of clicks and screeches streamed through. It took me a moment, and I turned to the Captain, swallowing thickly, throat dry.  
  
“They would like to inform us that intruders have been identified on board, and would like to know if we know anything about this.”  
  
Pike’s brow twitched; our eyes remained on one another’s, careful in our silence to not make any sudden movements, to look at the Tholians where they were closely watching us.  
  
In our comms, Number One reported, “Nhan and Spock have made contact with the Anil crew. Working to beam them aboard, but they’re jamming our signal, sir.”  
  
“Tell them that we are unaware of such involvement,” Pike said. I nodded before I turned my head, repeating the message to the Tholian side. There was a pause from them before another series of clicks and screeches.  
  
“They say that they’ve identified our vessel working to repair the U.S.S. Anil and say that we either send orders to stop work immediately, or they will show the same treatment to our crew.”  
  
Pike’s expression hardened, then, eyes darting to their screen.  
  
“Number One, status report,” He ordered through clenched teeth.  
  
“Still working to un-jam the transporter signal, Captain.”  
  
My eyes darted to the screens where I could see the Tholians shifting impatiently.  
  
“Number One, the Anil crew, when they were captured, they were mid-repair, correct?” I asked.  
  
“Affirmative.”  
  
“Suited for space?”  
  
“Presumably.”  
  
“And likely remained so despite capture?”  
  
“You have a plan?” Pike asked. I shot him a wary look.  
  
“I have a bad idea.”  
  
“Well, that’s something,” He pressed. An irritable hiss came from the Tholian side and I held a finger up to signal a moment more before turning my head back to Pike.  
  
“Spock and Nhan and suited for combat, helmets included, right? The Anil crew are suited for atmosphere. We tell the Tholians that we’ll give word to stop work on the Anil, beam back to the ship, give Nhan and Spock orders to find their way to an airlock with the Anil crew and into space. If our transporter beam is still blocked, they use their guidance to get back to the Anil, we use our tractor beam to get a lock on the ship and warp out before the clicky bastards over there can do anything about it.”  
  
Pike’s lips twitched at my words, asking, “You hear that Number One?”  
  
“Heard and patched through to Spock and Commander Nhan as soon as the lieutenant mentioned a bad idea, Captain,” Number One answered crisply.  
  
“It’s our best play right now, I say we go for it,” Pike nodded, turning back to the screens. I mirrored him, relaying to the Tholians that we would gladly stop work on the Anil, and that we would need to return to the ship to give the order. The Tholians seemed to purr out our compliance.  
  
"Try beaming the others back first,” I mumbled into my comm. The transporter was delayed, and then we were on the transporter pads, in a blessedly cool room. I sighed, letting my shoulders sag, relaxed for a second. I hadn’t realized how much I’d adjusted to that heat until I was out of it. I followed Pike out of the transporter room, into the turbolift, holding onto the handle as we went to the bridge.  
  
By the time we arrived, Number One was barking orders, issuing course corrections. I watched as the Anil crew, Spock, and Nhan wove out of the path of Tholian fire, even as the Enterprise darted and rocked out of the path of our own fire.  
  
“Anil crew is aboard the ship, sir, Nhan and Spock are with them,” Number One announced.  
  
“Tractor beam status?” Pike asked.  
  
“Locked, sir.”  
  
“Get us the hell out of here,” Pike ordered, lowering himself into his chair. I watched as the Tholian ship began to fade, then disappeared entirely. I felt Number One giving me a look, and I met her eye.  
  
“You should get cleaned up,” She said. I couldn’t even bring myself to be embarrassed; I was too tired. I gave her a nod.  
  
“Lieutenant.”  
  
I stopped at the doors of the turbolift, turning toward the sound of the Captain’s voice.  
  
“It wasn’t a bad idea,” He said. I smiled a little bit.  
  
“I’ve had better ones, sir,” I said before I stepped onto the turbolift, doors sliding shut behind me.  
  
\--  
  
“With respect, you should get some rest, sir,” I said lightly. Pike hadn’t even paused for breath when we’d gotten back aboard the ship. I’d heeded Una’s advice and gotten cleaned up returning to my post. We were on our way to Starbase 389 for the Anil’s repairs; the Anil’s crew was safely aboard the Enterprise for the journey.  
  
I’d been surprised by the invitation to the Captain’s ready room - Number One had extended it to me, and when I’d arrived at the end of my shift, I’d found Spock, Nhan, Number One, and the Captain there with drinks in hand. I’d assumed it was a debriefing, but it had been more of a decompression session. It had dwindled gradually until it was just myself and the Captain.  
  
“Interesting advice from the crew member that almost immediately returned to their post on mission completion,” Pike commented, leaning back in his seat.  
  
“I think the key word there would be ‘almost’. At least one of us stopped for water.”  
  
Pike’s laugh took me by surprise, and it made me smile. It was a sweet sound - lower than I’d expected, but light. I wanted to hear it again. I lowered my eyes to my desk, careful not to let my eyes linger on his smile, like I’d let myself before. It was easier when the others had been in the room; when his attention was drawn away, I could observe him to heart’s content. Narrowed to the two of us, though, my sneaky glances would be more easily caught out.  
  
“You saved our hides out there today,” Pike had sat up in my introspection, leaned forward a little. My eyes flitted to his; that more serious look had overtaken his face again, but there something gentle there, too.  
  
“Just did my job, sir,” I excused, shaking my head a little.  
  
“It’s not like today was your usual,” Pike pointed out. I smiled.  
  
“This is Starfleet. There really isn’t a day to day usual,” I countered, “I mean... I will concede that I don’t typically orchestrate escape missions, but...” I shrugged a shoulder, “Frankly I figured if it was the worst idea offered, I was fine with it being the bottom of the barrel. I just wanted us out of there in one piece.”  
  
Pike was frowning now, not in a disappointed way, but almost with a confusion. I didn’t know what I’d said t hat might’ve prompted that, but I cleared my throat, hoping to jolt him of it.  
  
“I should leave you to it, sir. And I’m on shift in a few hours, I should uh...Hydrate between now and then,” I set my half-full glass on his desk and stood. Pike looked like he was about to say something else, but he stopped himself, instead pressing his lips together and giving me a tight ‘Captain’ smile.  
  
“Of course. Have a good rest, lieutenant.”  
  
“And you, Captain.”  
  
I made for the doors before I could say anything else stupid - or possibly confusing.  
  
“Lieutenant.”  
  
I cringed as I stopped, turning to face the Captain again. He rose out of his seat, walking around his desk to stop in front of me; he was hardly more than a few inches away, and he spoke lowly, as if there was someone nearby that he didn’t want overhearing us.  
  
“Any idea that ends in the most peaceful resolution of a situation, with the fewest lives lost, with the ship in one peace and the Federation standards upheld is a good idea. We may’ve left with Tholian fire at our backs, but when we engage with the Tholians, that is almost always going to be a guarantee. You offered a viable solution in a tricky situation and performed more than admirably under pressure.”  
  
Pike held my eye as he spoke to me; he wasn’t speaking _down_ to me, or scolding me or lecturing me; it felt like he was almost pleading with me, to see the situation another way.  
  
“How another officer _may_ have acted in the situation is immaterial. What I know is how you _did_ act. I was glad to have you by my side.”  
  
I averted my eyes from Pike’s, to the badge on his chest.  
  
“I appreciate that, Captain,” I said quietly.  
  
“...Get some rest, lieutenant,” Pike murmured.  
  
“Sir,” I mumbled before I turned on my heel, hurrying out of the ready room as fast as the automatic doors would allow.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was typically intended to be the last five minutes of my shift spent with the Captain for the sake of clarification would turn into twenty or thirty minutes of conversation - and it usually veered sharply from the report.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta-read

That was hardly the last time I was invited to Pike’s ready room. Number One, Spock, and Nhan were there sometimes; now and again we were joined by Evan Connolly. Sometimes it was just me and Number One and the Captain. But, increasingly, it was just me and the Captain.   
  
In those instances, I had usually gone there to get a report signed off on, or to clarify a detail that he claimed to be fuzzy on (I didn’t always know if I believed him, but what reason would he have to lie?). What was typically intended to be the last five minutes of my shift spent with the Captain for the sake of clarification would turn into twenty or thirty minutes of conversation - and it usually veered sharply from the report.   
  
“We had two horses... And we used to take some food and ride all day,” The Captain smiled, arms folded on his desk. My report had been forgotten, set aside in favor of a far more interesting conversation. I had learned that the Captain was selectively nostalgic; get him talking about Mojave, it would somehow pivot to a conversation about Starfleet, but if you managed to get him on the topic of _horses_? Well. Good luck.   
  
“I was more of an indoor kid,” I admitted, “A lot of reading-- A _lot_.”  
  
“Is that where the interest in language came from?” Pike asked.   
  
“Partially,” I nodded, “There was an older woman that lived downstairs-- Orion, didn’t speak any Federation Standard, but she spoke High _and_ Lower Orion, and all of the books she had were in High Orion. She taught me her language, I taught her ours.  
  
“How old were you?” Pike asked.   
  
“Oh... Seven when she moved in? Mom worked late and I was alone in the apartment after school, and... I tended to get myself in trouble without something to do.”   
  
“It was just you two?” Pike asked.   
  
“My dad was employed by the Federation as a diplomat, he wasn’t around much. Got some cool postcards, though.”   
  
Pike nodded.   
  
"Did learning Orion push you to learn more?”   
  
“In pieces.”   
  
“How many languages do you speak?”   
  
"Fluently? Six.” Pike whistled low.   
  
“Impressive.” I shrugged a shoulder.   
  
“It’s not bad...There’s a Kelpien on the Shenzhou that can speak ninety four.”   
  
Pike’s head tilted, brow arched in disapproval. I’d come to recognize that look; I was subjected to it when I compared myself to other crew members or other people. I held my hands up in mock surrender, and he chuckled.   
  
“Does your dad still work for Starfleet?” He asked  
  
“He retired to a colony in the Laurentian system. Well, ‘retired’,” I brought my hands up and put quotes around it, “He’s the head of a holochamber repair company, it keeps him pretty busy.”   
  
"Explains where you get your penchant for staying occupied.”   
  
I turned my head at the sound of Number One’s voice, giving her a small smile as she stopped beside my chair. I hadn’t even heard the doors to the ready room open.  
  
“Well, luckily for me, there’s always plenty to do,” I said.   
  
“Admiral Caerson has requested to speak with you,” Number One informed the Captain. Pike’s demeanor shifted and he straightened up in his seat, nodding.   
  
“Of course.”   
  
“I’ll get out of your hair,” I said, standing. Pike plucked up the PADD he’d set aside and signed off of on the report (had we even discussed it? I couldn’t remember), passing it back to me.   
  
“Thank you, Captain.”   
  
“Of course, Lieutenant.”   
  
I gave Number One a quick nod before I leaving.   
  
\--   
  
“May I?”   
  
I looked away from my PADD and notebook to see Una standing with her food. I glanced at Spock, who had yet to look away from the report he was going over.   
  
“I have no objections, you know I’m always happy to have your company,” I smiled. She slid into the seat beside mine, peering down at the notebook I’d been jotting in.   
  
“War and Peace?” She questioned.   
  
“Just a translation exercise. A conversation I had with Captain made me realize my High Orion is getting rusty, I wanted to get back to it,” I said, setting my pen down in favor of picking up my drink.   
  
The look that Spock and Una shared was not lost on me. I raised a brow, glancing between the two of them.   
  
“Is there something the two of you would like to share with the class?” I asked, leaning back in my seat.   
  
"You and the Captain have been spending a lot of time in one another’s orbits lately,” Una said.   
  
"Things have been rejiggered with Lieutenant Commander Thaleh on leave. Once she’s back, things will go back to normal, I won’t be on call as much or needed to clarify details.”   
  
"And your sparring sessions in the gym, would you attribute those to Lieutenant Commander Thaleh’s absence as well?” Spock asked. I opened my mouth to answer, only to find that I couldn’t. I shrugged instead, closing my mouth and picking my pen back up to resume my translation. Spock and Una resumed eating.   
  
“If you’ll excuse me, I’m expected on the Bridge,” Spock said a few minutes later, standing. I gave a quick wave goodbye, not bothering to look away from my PADD; I felt Una nod beside me. There was another few moments of quiet before Una said,   
  
“Why _have_ you been sparring with the Captain?” 

I felt my shoulders drop in irritation and I cast her a sidelong glance.   
  
“If you showed up at the same hour and offered, I would spar with you. It’s a matter of convenience,” I excused.  
  
“And if I may,” Una pressed, “What you were discussing in his ready room when I arrived earlier had nothing to do with a report.”   
  
She had a point there, at least. I fought the urge to squirm under her gaze, crossing out a mistake I’d made in my notebook.   
  
“We just...Got distracted, I guess,” I muttered. Una hummed, unconvinced.   
  
“You two seem to be getting distracted a lot these days.”   
  
I slammed my pen down onto my notebook, turning to look at Una fully. She had a pleased little smile affixed to her lips; she was always vindicated when she hit a nerve. I gave her a tight smile in return.   
  
“Well I’m certainly distracted _now_,” I groused.   
  
\--   
  
“Where’s your head tonight?”   
  
Pike seemed amused as he leaned over me, smiling. I couldn’t help but smile back a bit, despite how sweaty and tired I was; despite the fact that my back had just hit the mat for what had to be the fifth time that night and I had yet to take the Captain down _once_.   
  
I pushed myself up into a sitting position, shaking my head.   
  
“I don’t know,” I admitted. Pike lowered himself onto the mat beside me rather than help me up.   
  
“Is something wrong?” He asked, concern coloring his tone.   
  
“No,” I said, shaking my head. At least, I didn’t think it was. What Una had said to me had been on my mind for the last couple of days.   
  
It was one thing for me to be distracted where the Captain was concerned; it was another to imply that the Captain was at all distracted because of _me_.   
  
“I’m not sure I believe you,” Pike's words weren’t unkind, just matter-of-fact.   
  
“Nothing is wrong,” I reassured him, nudging his knee with my own, “I’ve just... I’ve got some things on my mind, I guess.”   
  
“Work related things or personal things?”   
  
“A blend of both.”   
  
“Sounds serious.”  
  
“I’m not sure if it is yet,” I sighed, sweeping my hand through my hair.   
  
“Anything I can help with?” He asked, “I mean I know I’m you’re Commanding Officer, but... Well, I like to think my crew can come to me with anything that may be bothering them.”   
  
I didn’t answer for a moment, feeling my stomach churn uneasily. There was no way I could tell him the _truth_. Burgeoning attraction to the Captain aside, I liked being able to speak with him, or spar with him, or share a knowing look when Una did something that was _utterly _Una, or when she and Spock started one of their back-and-forths. 

I decided then and there that what Una had said was one of her little tests. As attracted as I found myself to the man, there way he was interested in me. 

I turned my head at the sound of my name dropping from his lips in a murmur. His eyes had narrowed with worry, and his mouth had turned downward in a frown. I shook my head a little bit, giving him a smile.   
  
“Nothing you can help with,” I said, “Just... Something I need to get out of my own head about.”   
  
“You’re sure?” he asked. I nodded.   
  
“If that changes, will you tell me?” He asked. I hesitated before I nodded again. He seemed to clock that pause, but he didn’t mention it.   
  
“Another round?” He offered. 

“It’s getting late,” I said, pushing myself up to stand. I held a hand out for him, and he took it, wrapping his hand around mine and letting me pull him to his feet. He held onto my hand for a few seconds longer before letting go to grab his water bottle.   
  
We walked to the turbolift in silence, rode it in silence, and I turned back to look at him when I got off.   
  
“Night, Captain.”   
  
“Sweet dreams, lieutenant.”   
  
I smiled at that, wishing it didn’t warm me the way it did.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pike and I hadn’t seen much of one another for a few weeks. Now that Lieutenant Commander Thaleh was back from leave, I’d gone back to having very limited interactions with the Captain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta-read. Shorter this time, but next time will be.... Longer.  
Also Sidhu is from Short Treks Ask Me Not and if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it, she’s precious and I love her. 
> 
> Also not sure if the scenario I proposed would /actually/ skirt General Order One I'm sorry I TRIED

I had never seen Thira Sidhu without a smile on her face. The Enterprise had been her dream, and after passing the test that Number One had set for her, she had been ecstatic. Now was no different.

I’d gone to the observation lounge after my shift to decompress; the S.S. Coara had sent along several corrupted audio files from a recovered vessel, and I’d been working to catalog them all day. I’d settled in on a couch to relax for a little while - and Thira had settled right in and started telling me what she’d gotten up to that day.

“I ran into the Captain and Number One, too-- You know I’ve been on the Enterprise for six months?” She nudged my shoulder with hers, and I grinned, “God, I remember when I saw them after the test,” She leaned back in her seat. I chuckled.

“I would never have passed that test,” I shook my head. Thira raised a brow.

“Why do you say that?” She asked.

“Number One knows how much I like loopholes,” I shrugged, “The last time I was subjected to that kind of test, I had a supposedly unconscious life-form from a pre-warp society operated on by Doctor Boyce using their native medical implements in the transporter bay. That way, if by some chance they started to wake up, they could be beamed back down to their planet’s surface before they could be exposed to the scope of our technology.”

Thira frowned.

“Why would you do that?” She asked, incredulous.

“Because it skirted General Order One,” The answer came from behind us.

We turned at the sound of Captain Pike’s voice. I gave him a small, bashful smile before turning back to Thira.

“Like I said, I like loopholes... where they’re helpful.”

Thira looked ready to ask another question, but was interrupted by a notification on her PADD.

“Oh! That’s my husband,” She stood, mumbling, “Excuse me,” And giving the Captain a quick wave before she left. I glanced back at Pike to see him hovering nearby.

“You just gonna stand there, or...?” I trailed off, arching a brow. Pike chuckled, rounding the couch and sitting beside me.

“I didn’t want to be presumptuous,” He said.

“I see,” I nodded, teasing, before I faced forward again.

Pike and I hadn’t seen much of one another for a few weeks. Now that Lieutenant Commander Thaleh was back from leave, I’d gone back to having very limited interactions with the Captain. I hadn’t had any more chances to spar with him after hours; we seemed to be on opposite schedules, so the punching bag and I had gotten reacquainted.

And while my day to day had otherwise remained completely the same, it sort of felt like it was... Lacking, without that additional communication with the Captain. Sometimes, when it was difficult to sleep, when I was lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, I told myself that it was probably for the best. I would wonder what it was that I’d done or said that had signaled to Una that I was interested in him in the first place. Not that it really mattered in the grand scheme of things, but the Captain was perceptive. Maybe he’d picked up on them, too.

Not that he’d never said anything, or treated me any differently one way or another. He’d even tried to draw me out when I’d felt unsteady, given me a chance to confide in him. Maybe that shouldn’t have been surprising, though. Pike didn’t seem the type to be cruel in the face of unwanted attraction.

I rolled my neck from side to side, wincing at the popping sounds that followed. I heard Pike huff a laugh and mutter, “I felt that.”

I laughed a little, bringing my hand up and rubbing my neck.

“Long shift?” He asked. I shrugged.

“Some interesting transmissions from Coara. I got a little caught up in them, I guess.”

“Number One mentioned you had a penchant for getting caught up that way,” Pike commented. My brows rose. What else had Number One mentioned? And why was I being discussed in the first place?

“Well,” I pressed on, “We got about halfway through the batch that they sent. I’m looking forward to getting through the rest of them tomorrow-- At least, I’m hopeful we can finish them.”

“What were you able to discern?” Pike asked, shifting a bit to face me. I hesitated in answering him.

“I--... I don’t want to bore you, I’m sure you’ll get a full report from Lieutenant Commander Thaleh.”

My stomach dropped as confusion flashed over Pike’s face.

“I don’t think you’ve ever bored me. Not sure you could if you tried,” He shook his head.

“See, you say that now, but you’ve clearly never been around when someone’s mentioned an inaccuracy about Cleopatra VII or -- or the difference between hieroglyphics, hieroglyphs, and hieratic, I mean, your eyes would glaze over,” I promised. Pike’s lips pulled with a smile that made his eyes twinkle and my stomach flip.

“Try me,” He murmured. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were no mandates against using the lightspeed breakaway factor to go back and observe places in other times, but it was unlikely that we were asked to do as such.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta-read. Caladega Canyon and Sandblossom are made up places lol
> 
> I hope everyone is well :)

There was an air of excitement around the ship. After dropping the Anil crew off at Starbase 389, a mission had come down from Starfleet high command that we were to head back to Earth. This was an order that sent shock waves through the bridge, right down to engineering.   
  
There were no _mandates_ against using the lightspeed breakaway factor to go back and observe places in other times, but it was unlikely that we were asked to do as such. I hadn’t expected a call up to the Captain’s ready room for a briefing, but I was there, wedged between Thaleh and Nahn.   
  
“We’ve been ordered to go back to observe Earth in the year 1868,” The Captain informed us from where he was standing at the head of the table, “It was the last year in the 19th century that the Leonid meteors made an appearance. They want us to get a look at it, then slingshot to 1899 for comparison, confirm the conditions and why they didn’t make a reappearance.”  
  
“I assume this has to do with the increased Leonid activity around Earth recently?” Spock asked.   
  
“You assume correctly, Mr. Spock,” The Captain nodded to him, “We’ve been directed to observe this phenomenon from the ground and from the ship, so an away team and I will be beaming down to the surface to observe.”   
  
Why the hell was I there?   
  
“We need people that know the era, and can embed convincingly on the off-chance we encounter anyone.”   
  
Ah. In our many conversations, in one of the instances wherein the Captain had mentioned horses, I’d let it slip that as a child, I’d had a slight Wild West obsession. The Captain had caught my eye as he’d said it, as if he’d read my mind and heard my question.   
  
“We’ll be arriving at Earth in forty-eight minutes. Get prepared. Dismissed,” He added, nodding to us.   
  
\--   
  
Number One sent a note to me PADD to reconvene in the Captain’s ready room once I was ready to beam down. I’d arrived first and was looking out of the window as I fiddled with my clothing. I’d been provided with a few options and had chosen a pair of pants, a pale pink button-down, and a sturdy dark grey wool jacket; the boots I’d been chosen to use were my own - older and scuffed, the laces slightly frayed.   
  
I turned to see the Captain walk in as I straightened my jacket sleeve.   
  
“Is the wardrobe up to snuff?” He asked.   
  
“You’re going to have to define ‘up to snuff’,” I said critically, looking down at myself. It was clear that they’d opted for clothing we’d be able to move around in. “Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t _entirely_ uncommon for women to wear pants on the frontier, but if we wind up in a town somehow, I wouldn’t be surprised if we saw some crinolines... Then again, maybe not, that was a more mainstream style, I don’t know how quickly it would’ve carried out West...” I had dipped into rambling, and I only noted in when I turned back to Pike and found him leaning against the wall with an amused smile.   
  
“... The wardrobe is fine,” I said after a moment, wishing I’d started and stopped with that, “Who else is beaming down?”   
  
“Number One and Connolly,” Pike said. I nodded, glancing over at the Captain. He looked like a clean-cut cowboy - a button down under a black waistcoat, dark pants not dissimilar to his uniform pants, but a looser cut. All he was missing was the hat. I let my eyes drift up to the Captain’s face to find him watching me, and I felt my face flush hot. I couldn’t bring myself to look away, though; he wasn’t looking away, either. And he wasn’t frowning, or staring me down because I’d just been watching him. He was just... Looking.   
  
My gaze was drawn away when the doors whooshed open and Number One and Connolly stepped inside. The plan was to beam down around dusk, set up our observation site, take our recordings and beam back up.  
  
“Let’s go,” the Captain spoke up, drawing our attention.   
  
\--   
  
We’d staked out on the edge of Caladega Canyon. Number One and I had set up the equipment while Pike and Connolly had started a fire for warmth. It was already cool, and the sun hadn’t even fully set yet. I knew from the maps that there was a town a few miles north of us, and I was _itching_ to go, but I knew that that wasn’t a possibility. We had our orders, we would get the readings and beam back up to the ship.   
  
I lowered myself to sit beside the fire, folding my legs and gazing up at the sky. As much as I loved being _in_ space, there was just something different about getting to look about it from a planet’s surface.   
  
“Are you cold?” Pike asked. I shook my head, despite the fact that I’d just tightened my collar around my neck.   
  
“I‘m fine,” I said, smiling.   
  
“Glad to hear it, because we heard from the Enterprise and we may be camping out overnight. The proximity of the Leonids is interfering with our transporters,“ Number One said, approaching us.   
  
“Looks like a picked a good coat,” I commented.   
  
“Good thing we didn’t have any crinoline,” Pike added. I snorted, unable to help it, and quickly averted my eyes as Number One gave me a look.   
  
\--  
  
Once our readings were complete, we chose to take watches in shifts. I went first, then Connolly, then Number One, and Pike would take it last. Every shift would check in with the Enterprise to monitor the transporter situation; as soon as we were clear, we’d alert the others.   
  
When I woke up, the sky was still dark. The fire was nearly burnt down to its embers; I was a bit chilly, but that was nothing a hot shower and a cup of coffee wouldn’t shake. I looked around, spotting Pike at the edge of our little clearing, sitting on the ground and facing the canyon. I propped myself up on my elbows, glancing between Number One and Connolly. They were sound asleep. I pushed myself off of the ground, walking over to where Pike was and sitting down beside him.   
  
“Sleep alright?” He asked, smiling at me.   
  
“About as well one can on a desert floor, yeah,” I nodded. Pike chuckled.   
  
“If we’d been a little more prepared we could’ve brought down a few blankets and made it much more comfortable,” He commented. I hummed, drawing my knees up to my chest.   
  
“Are you cold?” Pike asked, a little more knowing this time. I just shook my head. There was a pause before Pike muttered, “Liar.”   
  
I turned to look at him, face a mask of shock, and he laughed. I shushed him, glancing back at the other two to make sure they hadn’t woken up at his outburst. When I was satisfied that they’d remained asleep, I turned back around, shaking my head at Pike, who was still grinning.  
  
“We could go into town and grab something,” Pike offered.   
  
“We don’t have any _money_,” I pointed out.   
  
“Well, we could go into town and look,” He countered. I smiled at him, unable to help it.   
  
“As curious as I am, we have a job to do down here,” I pointed out. Pike nodded, conceding.   
  
“We do...But we did it. When are we ever going to be here again?” He asked. I lowered my eyes before I turned to look out over the canyon, considering. He had a point, but going into town felt like inviting trouble.   
  
“Let’s just...See what we hear about beaming back up,” I offered. Pike nodded beside me.   
  
“Diplomatic,” He commented. I shrugged.   
  
“There are too many unknowns. I wouldn’t feel comfortable going into town unless we knew we had a reasonable exit strategy.”   
  
“Tell me what you know about the town,” Pike requested. I frowned, turning to look at him.   
  
“What makes you think I know anything about it?” I asked. He fixed me with a knowing smile.   
  
“Call it a hunch.”   
  
I turned my eyes to the sky, recalling what I’d read about the town before I’d made my way to meet with the others in the ready room.   
  
“Sandblossom started as a silver mining camp. It went through a population boom about seven years ago, but it’s starting to dwindle now. It’ll be a veritable ghost town by 1872. Railroad doesn’t come out this way, and there’s a pretty bad mine collapse in the future,” I frowned, “It just can’t sustain.”   
  
Pike hummed thoughtfully beside me. We were quiet for a little while, watching the sky begin to lighten. I wrapped my arms around myself as a strong wind pushed over the mouth of the canyon.   
  
“Here,” Pike began to take his jacket off, but I shook my head, arguing,   
  
“_Don’t_. Honestly, I’m fine. It’s just a little chilly-- And if _you_ catch a chill, Dr. Boyce’ll have all our heads when we beam back up.” Pike shrugged the jacket back on, his face thoughtful before he scooched a little closer.   
  
“Body heat works just as well,” he pointed out. I nodded a little bit as his thigh pressed against mine.   
  
“That’s true,” I muttered. Pike’s arm wrapped around my shoulders, tentative.   
  
“Is this alright?” He asked quietly. I nodded, and his hold grew more firm, pressing me into his side. I leaned into him almost unthinkingly; as soon as I’d realized what I’d done, the logical part of me told said to lean away, apologize. But I was already warmer, and Pike wasn’t pushing me away; instead his hand was rubbing over my shoulder to create a little additional warmth. I hesitated before I rested my head on his shoulder.   
  
“Is _this_ alright?” I asked.   
  
“Of course,” He answered.   
  
_Of course_. As if this was totally normal, as if we did this all the time.   
  
“Tell you what,” Pike said quietly, “Once we get transporter capability, I’ll see if we’re able to go into town for a bit.”   
  
“What for?” I asked.   
  
“Just to have a look around.”   
  
I tipped my head up to look at Pike.   
  
“Curiosity killed the cat, Captain.”   
  
He smiled.   
  
“Satisfaction brought it back, Lieutenant.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it was naïve of me to hope that being back in our time meant that things would go back to normal. Well, maybe it was more naïve of me to think that my ‘normal’ hadn’t shifted within the last few months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone's doing well :) 
> 
> Thank you to everyone that's read/commented/left kudos! I really appreciate it!

I sighed, dropping my coat onto my bed. I was tired, and covered in more dirt, grime, and sweat than I wanted to admit, but I wanted to get this down before I forgot anything.   
  
“Lieutenant’s log... technical stardate 454118.1,” I rattled off, raking my hands through my hair, “I say technical as we are still in the year 1868. We’ve recently completed the first component of our mission and will soon be on our way to 1899. We’ve been ordered by Starfleet to observe the activity of the Leonid meteors in both years to confirm the conditions that they’ve occurred in. We took readings from the Earth’s surface in the midst of Leonid activity in 1868, which was... Breathtaking.”   
  
I thought for a few moments, remembering the Captain’s smile turned up to the sky, eyes shining bright as meteors zipped by overhead. I shook my head a little, drawing myself back to the task at hand.   
  
“Per the data recorded at the time, the rate reached a thousand meteors per hour at the height of the shower’s activity. We spent the night on Earth, as the increased activity around Earth’s atmosphere hindered transporter capabilities. Captain Pike made contact with the Enterprise at 0800 hours the following morning, and we were able to beam aboard with our equipment.”   
  
And we had. I’d been ready to call it a job well done, but Pike had turned to myself and Number One, this glint in his eye, and said, “What do you say we go have a look around?”  
  
Number One had declined for the purpose of ensuring the Leonid data transferred cleanly, and Pike had turned to me, brow raised.   
  
“Lieutenant?” He’d asked. His words from that morning had rung through my head: _“When are we ever going to be here again?” _And I couldn’t bring myself to say no. My curiosity had gotten the better of me.  
  
The Captain and I had beamed down to Sandblossom, to a place just outside of town.   
  
“We’ll have to be quick,” He’d warned me.   
  
But it was everything I’d wanted. I was like a kid in a candy store, looking around. I’d stuck close to Pike’s side as we walked through town, looking into the general store, passing by the saloons and the undertaker’s; we’d been accosted by two missionaries trying to save our souls. Once or twice I’d started to stray too far from Pike and he’d caught me by the hand, laughing that as fascinated as I was, he wasn’t going to leave me here no matter how nicely I asked.   
  
It had been a twenty minute excursion - we made no time-altering contact, abided by General Order One, and then beamed back aboard the Enterprise. I hadn’t been able to wipe the grin off of my face while we’d been there, or when we got back. Pike had relieved me of my duty, and I’d just gotten on the turbolift when I’d spotted Number One.   
  
The look she’d fixed me with... Was so beyond its usual stern on-duty set. Her brow was furrowed deeply, lips pulled down with disapproval. It was like I was a child and someone had popped my balloon.   
  
“End log?” The computer prompted me, shaking me from my reverie.   
  
I cleared my throat, walking over to my window and peering out to Earth’s surface.   
  
“...End log,” I conceded. We’d be leaving that time and town behind, and it was better if I left everything about it behind as well - along with the warmth of Pike’s arm around me, and his hand gripping mine for just a few moments as we explored. These were isolated incidents.   
  
As I undressed and tossed my dirt-streaked shirt on top of my coat, I couldn’t shake the look Una had given me. I wondered if it was disapproval at encouraging mine and the Captain’s curiosity in a time and place that was more dangerous than usual. Time travel was tricky at the best of times; I was sure Starfleet wouldn’t be happy at the prospect of a Captain and one of his Communications officers going for a leisurely stroll for the hell of it.   
  
I groaned, scrubbing my eyes with my hands. I should’ve known better - it was impossible to pinpoint what Una was thinking, and I wasn’t sure why I was bothering to try anymore.  
  
\--

Maybe it was naïve of me to hope that being back in our time meant that things would go back to normal. Well, maybe it was more naïve of me to think that my ‘normal’ hadn’t shifted within the last few months. Normal used to mean that I went about my shifts, occasionally receiving a request from the bridge to look at a recording or a file that had been sent to us from another ship; spending time with Spock and Una and Thira when we weren’t on shift; working through the occasional sleepless night alone in the gym.   
  
Normal _now_ was...Astonishing. I was called on by Lieutenant Commander Thaleh more often - when I’d asked why, she’d cited my usefulness to the Captain while she was on leave. I hadn’t had the cheek to ask who exactly had reported on that usefulness: the Captain himself, or perhaps Number One. I had fewer sleepless nights, as my shifts felt twice as busy as they had before, but I didn’t dread them as I’d used to, because I rarely faced them alone. I had a regular sparring partner in the Captain now. I also found myself in his company fairly regularly outside of the gym: on the odd mission, as I had with Uthea C4, or the Anil crew, or the Leonids; now and again he’d dine with myself, Spock, and Una; I wasn’t called to his ready room to confirm report details as I had been when Thaleh was on leave, but sometimes at the end of my shift, I would go to the observation lounge that I’d gone to before with the foolish hope that I’d run into the Captain there - and I often did.   
  
\--  
  
By the time I was back on shift, we’d returned to our time. The crew breathed a collective sign of relief, congratulated each other on a job well done before it was business as usual. We’d be docking on Earth for a week for a full diagnostic of the Enterprise, as well as for observation of the most recent conditions of the Leonids.   
  
I had good intentions when we returned to our time. I hadn’t seen her since I was on the turbolift, nor had she sent me any message, but Una’s look had stuck with me. Somewhere, somehow, I had put a toe out of line. I had to straighten up. I had no intention of being in a command position the way Una and Spock were, but I could stand to conduct myself more professionally.   
  
“God, I’m beat,” Thira groaned as she collapsed onto the bed across from mine. I smiled at her.   
  
“Will you get to see your family while you’re on-world?” I asked. She nodded excitedly.   
  
“My mom’s gonna drive down. What about you?”   
  
I shook my head, and her smile drooped a little.   
  
“It’s alright, though, I won’t really have time. I signed up for a bunch of workshops and trainings at the Academy,” I added, waving off her concern.   
  
“Really? We’ve got a week of leave and you’re going to spend it working?” She asked, surprised. I shrugged.   
  
“I’ll have evenings off, mostly.”   
  
“_Mostly_?” She repeated, laughing, “Well, we’ll all grab drinks one of these nights to make sure you don’t overdo it.”  
  
I had good intentions when we got back to our time. I was going to straighten up, refocus on my work. That was why I had joined Starfleet -- I loved different cultures, languages. I loved being able to connect. I just had to be careful about _how_ I connected.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My walk to the shuttle and the ride back to the ship were wholly uneventful.
> 
> If only things had stayed that way when I reached the ship. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is well :)

My fingers barely stopped tapping on the keyboard as the headphones were lifted off of my head. I paused the recording I’d been transcribing before I glanced over, doing a double-take at the sight of Una holding my headphones between her thumb and forefinger.   
  
“Hey,” I greeted, looking at the screen, “Give me...Two seconds...” I said, typing the phrase that I’d heard before she’d pulled my headphones off. I saved the file before I minimized the screen, turning in my chair to look at her.   
  
“What’s up?” I asked, watching her lean back against my desk.   
  
“I feel like I haven’t seen you since we docked,” She said, fingers absently smoothing over the controls on the headphones.   
  
“I’ve been keeping busy,” I excused. She quirked a brow.   
  
“So I’ve heard. You took Onafuwa‘s one-day intensive,” She said, raising her brow. I shrugged.   
  
"You and Spock both hold him in high esteem, and I never had occasion to take his courses while I was at the Academy. Figured it couldn’t hurt to see what you two were raving about. Well, as much as you and Spock ‘rave’.”   
  
The left side of Una’s mouth lifted with amusement.   
  
"What is it you’re up to now, then?” She asked, glancing toward the screen.   
  
“Transcription speed exercises. Never hurts to brush up-- And I’ve got a lecture on Tamarian allegory in half an hour, so, helps keep my fingers warm.”   
  
“When the Captain told us to make the most of this week’s leave, I’m not sure that this is what he meant,” Una contemplated. I tipped my head to the side, briefly taken aback.   
  
“Are you disapproving of my studious plans? Is something wrong? Blink twice if we’re under attack.”   
  
Una rolled her eyes with such pronouncement that she rolled her head with it as well.   
  
“I simply mean that you ought to give yourself a little time to relax at some point.”   
  
“Well, this may be controversial, but I find Tamarian allegory incredibly relaxing.”   
  
Una looked wholly unconvinced as she set my headphones on the desk beside my keyboard.   
  
“I trust you don’t have any lectures scheduled for around seven tomorrow evening?”   
  
“Not as far as I know. Why?”  
  
“A few of us are going to Liquara. You’ve more than earned a drink, lieutenant,” Una straightened from the desk, flicking my forehead before leaving. I watched her go, rubbing at the spot on my forehead. I’d never gotten around to asking Una why she’d given me that look after Sandblossom, and she’d never raised any concerns with me. I’d assumed my studios pursuits would be entirely Una-approved, but apparently I’d judged that wrong, too.   
  
\--  
  
I hadn’t stayed in the long-range sensor lab so late since well before I’d completed my dissertation. After the lecture on Tamarian allegory, I’d grabbed a quick bite to eat before heading to the lab and settling in.   
  
I’d only planned on being there for a couple of hours, but I just kept putting off leaving, increasingly telling myself that I’d only be five more minutes. Unfortunately, before I knew it, I’d managed to ‘five more minutes’ myself right to two in the morning. I grumbled as I packed my things up. I’d only just gotten myself on a fairly regular Earth-time sleep schedule; this was my own fault, I knew that.   
  
My walk to the shuttle and the ride back to the ship were wholly uneventful.   
  
If only things had stayed that way when I reached the ship.   
  
It was late. Sure, some people were still up and about, maintaining schedules so that a readjust to late shifts wouldn’t screw them the following week, but the halls, for the most part, were quiet.   
  
That’s why his voice stuck out like a sore thumb. He wasn’t even speaking loudly -- but then, he didn’t have to. His voice just had a timbre that the ear naturally caught and held to.   
  
He was making an effort to be quiet, but whoever he was with wasn’t quite taking the same pains. I heard an unfamiliar giggle, followed by a sigh of, “Oh, _Chris_\--”_, _and then his gentle hushing.   
  
I felt...Odd. Weirdly gross. Like I needed to play Klingon poetry in my ears at top volume for a few hours to get rid of the sound.   
  
Just this once, I didn’t let my curiosity get the better of me. I turned around quickly and went in the opposite direction. I took the longest, most convoluted route to my quarters out of fear of running into him and whoever it was.   
  
When I did finally reach my quarters, I was exhausted.   
  
This was for a combination of reasons. The first, of course, was the fact that I was coming off of a day of two lectures and nearly six hours in the long-range sensor lab. The second was that I had just spent half an hour skulking around the ship to avoid running into the Captain and...Someone.   
  
Thira was sound asleep already, which was optimal; she knew me well now, and I was too tired to hide my moderate distress. It was moments like these where I had to take a deep breath, step back, and put my ‘Spock’ cap on. There was a better way to see this situation.   
  
I had no logical reason to be upset. While my initial... Interest in the Captain may’ve grown into a much stronger feeling toward him with increased time spent in his presence, I had always been fully cognizant of the fact that the likelihood of anything happening between us was insanely low. This was for several reasons. For one, Pike was my Commanding Officer. While it wasn’t entirely unheard of for officers to become...Involved with their superiors, it wasn’t exactly on the up-and-up. I thought of Thira and her husband. They’d been deliberately placed on separate starships despite the fact that they’d both applied to the Enterprise.   
  
Unless you were a computer, or a Vulcan, emotion tended to hold at least some sway over certain areas where objectivity was needed from a Captain.  
  
Another reason was, despite the fact that I might have _liked_ to think otherwise, the Captain had never explicitly stated any interest in me. There were moments with Pike that, seen one way, I could misconstrue as romantic. But seen another, they were purely friendly. Our time in Sandblossom, for example -- if I had been there with Spock, he might’ve suggested body heat for the mutual benefit of the well-being of crew members. If I’d strayed too far from Una, she might’ve reached out to keep me close.   
  
I had good intentions when we got back to our time. That was why I had signed up for so many courses and trainings for that week. My mind had less time to wander in other directions-- especially in Pike’s.   
  
This was for the best, I told myself as I tucked myself into bed.   
  
It was for the best that I had heard what I had heard, and not let my curiosity get the better of me.   
  
My stomach felt like someone had filled me with pop rocks and hot coffee and given me a shake.   
  
This was for the best. It was for the best that I knew my place on the ship, and didn’t have any silly notions about what the Captain might think about me.   
  
I couldn’t get that stupid giggle out of my ears.   
  
This was for the best.   
  
Where could I even find recordings of Klingon poetry?


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’d become too engrossed in an argument with Spock (albeit a friendly one) on the effects (and logic) of using time travel to go back and change certain events. My idea was, if two totally separate events weren’t known to have any impact on one another, what would it matter which order you visited them in?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta-read.
> 
> Synathehol is a TNG thing I think, so. On Earth in this story they drink alcohol, thank you.
> 
> I hope everyone is well :) Thank you for everyone for your comments/kudos!!

Shock of all shocks, I didn’t sleep well.  
  
“What are you listening to?” Thira asked as I pulled my headphones out.  
  
“Oh, it’s...” I floundered before waving her off, “Don’t worry about it, I can only understand, like, some of it.”  
  
“What are you up to?”  
  
“I’ve got a lecture in--” I glanced at the time, “Like an hour, so I have got to run.”  
  
“Are you coming to Liquara tonight?” Thira asked, watching me gather my things.  
  
“Ah... I think so?” I glanced back at her as I packed my PADD into my bag.  
  
“You can take _one_ night off,” Thira said, “Loosen up, have a couple of drinks...Maybe meet somebody?” She waggled her brows at me, and I laughed, unable to help it.  
  
“I don’t think that’ll be happening,” I said, pulling bag onto my shoulder.  
  
“Come on, when was the last time you dated?” Thira asked, folding her legs up under herself.  
  
“I don’t know, my last year of the Academy?” I shrugged.  
  
“...Yikes,” Thira muttered.  
  
“Thank you for that-- I’m leaving now!” I tacked on before hurrying out of our room.  
  
\--  
  
I did manage to make it to my Dominionese lecture on time, with a very large coffee (loaded with extra espresso and additional caramel drizzle). I got to the lecture hall just on time and took the only available seat left - right next to Captain Pike. I couldn’t help my stiff posture as I sat down, taking out my PADD and putting on the virtual display sensory headset that was left out for me.  
  
As the instructor began to lay out what we’d be working on, I felt Pike lean over, his bicep pressing against mine as he murmured, “Late night?”  
  
I hummed the affirmative, picking up my coffee and taking a sip as if to prove it. I heard Pike chuckle beside me, and I fought the urge to turn my head, see the waiting smile. I kept my eyes on the instructor, then on the Dominionese that appeared on the headset. I could still feel Pike’s arm pressed to mine; that didn’t matter, right? I could focus on something other than _contact_. I zoned in on the text on the headset, letting my fingers move over my PADD as I worked through the first few rows of translations.  
  
Now and again, the instructor would interrupt us, calling on students to read their translations aloud, correcting for grammar and syntax. Pike and I escaped the questioning; I’d found that unless the workshops or classes were geared specifically toward alumni, instructors tended to leave visiting students alone.  
  
Pike didn’t lean over to chat anymore throughout the rest of the class, which was a relief, but he didn’t lean away, either. He was close throughout, arm still resting against mine, thighs occasionally brushing, or our feet would knock against one another under the desk. Every single time I’d tell myself that if this was Una, or Thira, it wouldn’t be making my heart jump the way it was. If this was Spock-- Actually, no. Spock would keep his limbs to himself.

Nevertheless, class passed without incident. I removed the headset as it ended, closing my eye for a moment to help it readjust.  
  
“Well, that was informative,” Pike piped up. I glanced over at him, nodding, and was more than a little relieved to find him focused on packing away his things. I turned back down to my PADD, saving the notes I’d taken as I saw Pike’s head turn back to me, presumably as a result of my lack of verbal response.  
  
“You heading back to the ship?” He prompted.  
  
“Ah-- No. There’s a language panel on Iconian in...” I glanced at the time on my PADD, “Like ten minutes, so, I’m just gonna hang out here.”  
  
"Packed morning,” Pike commented, brows raised. I shrugged.  
  
“I just--”  
  
“Like to keep busy?” Pike finished knowingly, smiling. I returned the smile in spite of myself, nodding.  
  
“Exactly,” I confirmed.  
  
“Well, try to get some rest some time this week, lieutenant,” the Captain said, standing and patting me on the shoulder as he passed me. I returned my eyes to my PADD, unthinkingly answering,  
  
“Yeah, you, too.”  
  
I heard Pike’s steps falter, but I didn’t raise my eyes to meet what I was sure was a questioning gaze. I just reopened my Dominionese and reviewed my answers until I was sure he was gone.  
  
\--  
  
I did not want to go out. After the last 24 hours I’d had, I just wanted to take an extra long, extra hot shower and curl up in bed with my PADD and a bottle Risian wine. But I also knew that if I didn’t go, I wouldn’t hear the end of it from Thira -- and possibly from Una. I got to Liquara a little while after everyone else (the panel on Iconian had run long and delayed my getting back to the ship; I’d taken longer to get ready because I’d had to re-talk myself into going every five minutes).  
  
“You’re alive?” Thira teased as I settled into a seat beside hers and across from Una. There were a few others at the table - Spock, Nhan, and Connolly, as well as a few people from engineering that I vaguely recognized.  
  
“I was just telling everyone how you had your headphones on this morning and you were listening to something that sounded so harsh, but kinda...Lyrical. What was that?” Thira asked.  
  
The surrounding party looked at me expectantly and I answered,  
  
“Klingon poetry.”  
  
“I wasn’t aware there as an intensive on Klingon poetry this week,” Una commented, brow raised.  
  
“This was more of an independent study situation,” I admitted.  
  
“Is there anything in particular that sparked your sudden interest in such a topic?” Spock asked. I shrugged, reaching for a menu and skimming it in favor of meeting anyone’s eye.  
  
“Just had the urge, I guess,” I excused before looking around, “I haven’t been here in a while, so, someone refresh my memory: are the slush-o mixes worth the hangover?”  
  
\--  
  
I stayed out later than I had anticipated. I didn’t partake in many sugary alcoholic drinks on the Enterprise, so it didn’t take long for a decent buzz to kick in. People peeled off as the night wore on, until it was down to myself, Thira, Una, Spock, and Connolly -- practically the ready room crowd.

I should not have stayed out, though. I should’ve had one drink and then ducked out gracefully.  
  
But I’d become too engrossed in an argument with Spock (albeit a friendly one) on the effects (and logic) of using time travel to go back and change certain events. My idea was, if two totally separate events weren’t known to have any impact on one another, what would it matter which order you visited them in?  
  
“My point is, if I chose first to go back and _stop_ T.S. Eliot from writing _Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats_ and _then_ subsequently traveled forward in time and stopped Oppenheimer from designing the atomic bomb--”  
  
“Why would you choose to halt the writing of a book rather than the creation of a catastrophic weapon?” Spock asked.  
  
“Okay, two reasons: One - It is a _time machine_, Spock, I’d have literally _nothing_ but time. Two-- No, actually, three reasons_\-- two_, that book came out in 1939, the Manhattan Project didn’t start until 1942, so I think it is safe to say that despite its historical significance to mankind, I would not be doing the world a disservice by visiting those events in chronological order.”  
  
“And the third reason?” Una asked.  
  
"The movie CATS was the first step to the subsequent tanking of Universal Studios in the 22nd century, so that’s my first priority if I ever get a personal time machine,” I said simply.  
  
_His_ laugh joined in with the others-- my ear caught on that sound, the way it had the night before. My eyes darted to the other end of the table, and I felt my smile falter a little. I had been so engrossed in my conversation with Spock that I hadn’t even noticed the Captain settled on the other side of Connolly. Pike’s eyes met mine as the laughter settled, and I gave him a quick smile before averting my eyes. I could feel Una looking at me, and when I raised my eyes to hers, I found her brow quirked. She peered around Connolly at the Captain.  
  
“What kept you?” She asked.  
  
“I was speaking with Admiral Cornwall about our next mission. Nothing for us to discuss tonight. How was the lecture?” He asked. When silenced followed the question, I realized it had been directed at me. I met Pike’s eye again.  
  
“Informative.” I left it there, picking up the menu again and looking it over. Part of me already know I was going to be switching to water, though.  
  
\--  
  
I remembered why I’d liked being called to the ready room so much at the beginning - when there were so many of us, before I was better acquainted with the Captain, it was easier for me to hang back; I didn’t feel as pressured to speak up. And at Liquara, with Una, Thira, and Connolly there to steer the conversation, and Spock to interject (heavily), I didn’t feel that the conversation lagged anywhere. And I was being _good_ \- keeping my eyes to myself, only looking at the Captain when he was speaking; smiling and laughing an appropriate amount, and definitely, definitely _not_ thinking about that sigh of his name and the giggle I’d heard the night before.  
  
“Don’t tell me you’re leaving.”  
  
Thira had managed to catch what I had assumed was a subtle shrugging on of my jacket, but what to her was apparently a beacon of retreat. I gave her a small, regretful smile.  
  
“I just realized how late it is.”  
  
“You’re not going to the long-range sensor lab again, are you?” Spock asked, watching me. Unbeknownst to me, he’d been there himself the night before, and had actually left shortly before I had. I laughed a little, shaking my head.  
  
“No, not tonight. I’ve got an Exoarchaeology and the 22nd Century intensive that I’ve gotta be up for,” I excused, “I already settled up at the bar.”  
  
“I thought you were going to ask about their drink special,” Una pointed out, raising a brow. I shrugged as I stood.  
  
“And I did. _Right_ before I settled up. Have a good night, guys,” I cast a quick smile around, careful not to let my eyes linger on _anyone_ for too long before I turned and left.  
  
That had been good, right? Natural. I had contributed to the conversation, I hadn’t hung on the Captain’s every word like some giggling schoolgirl. I’d _more_ than earned that extra long, extra hot shower. And maybe one Klingon poem.  
  
“Headed for the shuttles?”  
  
Every single instinct told me to _walk faster_, pretend I hadn’t heard him. I turned in spite of this. He wasn’t too far behind me. I stopped walking, giving him the chance the catch up.  
  
"Sort of our only way to get back to the ship right now, so, that was the plan,” I nodded.  
  
Pike pulled his communicator out, raising it to his lips. I was a little tipsy, but I was looking at the communicator, I _swear_, not at Pike’s mouth.  
  
“Pike to transporter room. Two to beam up.”  
  
“But--”  
  
Before I could finish my sentence, we were in the transporter room.  
  
“But?” Pike asked before nodding to the crew. I gave them a quick wave before stepping off of the pads behind Pike.  
  
“But I thought the transporter room was out of commission until the Enterprise’s diagnostic was complete,” I said, following Pike to the turbolift.  
  
“Diagnostic was completed this morning, Enterprise was cleared,” Pike reported, brow furrowing, “I mentioned that earlier.”  
  
Maybe he had; I had been making an active effort at the bar to not listen too intently to what he was saying, and apparently I’d done too good of a job. I nodded once.  
  
“Right. Sorry, I must have slush-o mix in my ears,” I muttered.  
  
We stepped onto the turbolift, each reaching for the control panel. Pike and I both lowered our hands, and I heard Pike murmur, “Go ahead.”  
  
I entered my destination before Pike entered his. There was a pause before the lift hummed.  
  
“...Lieutenant, may I ask you something?”  
  
“‘Course.”  
  
“Please don’t take this unkindly, but,” Oh god, “Is everything alright?”  
  
I turned a frown up at Pike, confused.  
  
“Why do you ask?”  
  
“You seem to be burying yourself in work. Between the lectures yesterday and this morning,” How did he know about yesterday? “The long-range sensor lab last night, your lecture tomorrow-- I’ve been told you took Onafuwa’s one-day intensive?”  
  
Una. Blabbermouth.  
  
“All compelling evidence, but need I remind you, Captain, that we are in the same turbolift right now because we just left the same bar?” I pointed out.  
  
Pike’s brow quirked.  
  
“Be that as it may, I just wanted to ask the question on the off-chance it needed asking.”  
  
I turned my head again to face the turbolift doors.  
  
“I’m alright, Captain.”  
  
“...Then why couldn’t you look me in the eye and say that?”  
  
“Is that why you left?” I asked, looking up at him then.  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
“The bar. Is that why you left the bar? To ask me this?”  
  
He blinked once, twice, then pursed his lips, shook his head once and said, “No.”  
  
I couldn’t help the smug look that overtook my features as the turbolift doors opened on my floor. Looking back, I’d pass the boldness off on the copious amount of slush-o mix I’d had at the bar.  
  
“Never join the Starfleet poker league, Captain. You don’t bluff well,” I said before stepping off of the lift and leaving him behind.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission that the Captain had chosen not to brief us on that night at Liquara (which I was trying so hard not to think about), was a diplomatic mission to Larilia.

The slush-o mix was not worth the hangover.

I considered the conversation I’d had with the Captain the night before as I laid in my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I was just… So confused. Had he really bothered to leave the bar just to ask me if I was alright? And the way I’d spoken to him…

I groaned, smoothing my hands over my face. I had a dull headache, I was hungry, and I had an intensive to get to.

\--

“You’ve been, really? An active war zone doesn’t exactly seem like a prime vacation destination,” Thaleh commented, crossing her arms as she leaned against my console. I smiled.

“It wasn’t really a vacation. My dad had a diplomatic summit at the capital. I didn’t get to see much. I mostly stayed in the suite they had set up for him and spoke with the aide that had gotten stuck looking after me.”

The mission that the Captain had chosen not to brief us on that night at Liquara (which I was trying so hard not to think about), was a diplomatic mission to Larilia. The planet had been embroiled in a civil war for the last 78 years. The Federation typically did its best not to get involved in such matters, but the Larilians had reached out to the Federation for mediation.

Admiral Spargo had boarded the Enterprise, tasked with bringing the conflict to a peaceful end.

Cyril Spargo was practically a Starfleet institution. His storied career with Starfleet had included a fifteen year stint as captain, numerous diplomatic missions, and countless victories - both on the battlefield and at the negotiating table. The man even had a maneuver named after him. 

\--

“Larilians are matrilineal in all things, so, if the translator that’s chosen is a woman, and if yourself or the Admiral have something to say, the translator is going to need to announce it first.”

That was the last thing I had on my list of pertinent information pertaining to Larilia. Pike nodded, glancing from me to the Admiral.

“I think we can handle that,” He nodded, “Is there anything else that you think is crucial?”

“No, Captain.”

“The lieutenant also prepared a briefing document on the Larilians, it’s available for review if needed,” Number One chimed in. Pike gave a nod, lip quirking into what looked like a small smile. I’d only made the document because I’d mistakenly assumed, when asked to put a brief together, that it would be given to Thaleh, and that she’d be speaking to the Captain and the Admiral herself.

“Thank you, lieutenant. Dismissed.”

I stood, nodding to the group before leaving the Captain’s ready room. I tried not to make too much of a hurry out of it. I hadn’t spent any time around the Captain since my idiotic comments on the turbolift. He had seemed no less his usual self than when I’d come in, had been attentive throughout.

I had been avoiding the observation deck all week, but after my shift I found myself drawn to it. It was empty, and I was relieved. I relaxed for a few minutes, peering out of the window and watching the stars whizz by in silence.

“Lieutenant.”

I straightened up, whirling around. I swallowed thickly.

“Captain.”

He stood just by the loveseat I’d settled on. I wasn’t sure if I should gesture for him to sit; surely he’d just settle down if he wanted to?

“I wanted to thank you again for your comprehensive briefing today,” He nodded.

“Of course. Glad I could help.”

“I also wanted to inform you that you will be beaming down with myself and the Admiral to aid in the Larilian negotiations.”

Panic wormed its way into my core.

“Me?”

Pike’s brow arched.

“Problem?”

“No, of course not, sir, but-- Surely there’s someone on the ship that’s more qualified for something of this...Magnitude.”

Pike seemed to consider this, pressing his lips into a thin line and directing his eyes to the ceiling, as though he was looking through a catalogue of other communications officers. Then his eyes returned to me.

“Are you not the one that briefed us on the cultures and customs?” That felt rhetorical, though the look I was fixed with told me that I was obliged to answer.

“Yes.”

“And if I recall you speak six languages fluently, would you just...List them for me?”

This felt like a trap.

“...Federation Standard, obviously--”

“Obviously--”

“Vulcan, Orion--”

“High and Low--”

“That’s still technically only one language, Captain-- Cardassian, Romulan, Laril...ian…” I trailed off, nodding a little bit. Pike mirrored the movement.

“I think you’re plenty qualified,” He reassured me, “And you won’t be beaming down to negotiate alone. We drop out of warp in two hours.”

He turned to leave. I eyed his retreating back, feeling the panic turn to jitters. I don’t know what compelled me as I stood hurriedly, saying, “Captain.”

He stopped, turning back to face me. For a moment, I couldn’t speak; he was looking at me so expectantly. Of course, if someone were to address you, you’d assume that they’d know what they were going to say in advance.

“...Lieutenant?” He asked, taking a step closer.

“The other night, I--” I let my eyes drop to the cushions for a fraction of a second before meeting his eyes again. The least I could do was look the man in the damn eye this time, “I’m sorry.”

His brow furrowed.

“What are you apologizing for?” He seemed sincerely confused, which only made this about a billion times worse.

“You asked me if I was alright, and the way I responded--”

Pike held a hand up to stop me, and I closed my mouth.

“I overstepped,” He shook his head once. Jitters reverted to panic in a split-second.

“No, you--”

“Lieutenant, it’s alright,” He cut me off again “And if there’s nothing else, I have to speak with Admiral Spargo about his strategy.”

Panic dropped away, embarrassment shooting up to take its place. I shook my head once, lowering my eyes to the cushions then.

“Nothing else, Captain.”

“Two hours, lieutenant.”

The thump of his retreating footsteps on the carpet, and then swoosh of the automatic doors. I let myself turn and drop back down onto the loveseat, head tipping forward and resting in my hands.

“Fuck,” I whispered, heat prickling at the back of my neck as that embarrassment radiated, sweeping through me like a fire and burning me from the inside out. I leaned back, reaching up and frustrated tugging at my collar, opening it at unzipping it, fanning at my neck, my ears, my face, desperately trying to cool the flush. He thought that he had overstepped? Well of course he felt like that, the man had asked me if I was alright and I had basically shrugged him off, called him a liar, and avoided him for a week.

“Shit. Shit,” I breathed out, fanning at my face with both hands now.

“If anything, exerting that much effort that is only going to make you more warm.”

I didn’t turn to meet Una’s eye as she sat down beside me.

“Nervous about the assignment?” She guessed.

“I’m never drinking another fucking slush-o mix again,” I swore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *to the tune of Blame it on the Alcohol* Blame it on the slu-slu-slu-slu-slu slush-o mix


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I felt my heart slam against my rib cage at the mention. He was feigning ignorance, but he and I both knew that he was very familiar with my name. Spargo wasn’t some senile old-timer that had to strain to relive his greatest victories and his most devastating losses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Some angst because clearly we haven't had enough of that in this story so far

Wary of turning up late after my utter shame of an attempted apology to Pike, I arrived at the ready room only to find it devoid of the Captain himself. Spargo was there. He made an imposing sight - hands clasped behind his back as he peered out of the window, his greyed hair combed back to reveal a high forehead and an almost blocky profile.   
  
“A-Admiral,” His gaze, laser-sharp and flinty, fixed on me. I felt myself straighten further, hands clasping behind myself as I hurried to add, “I apologize, I didn’t know anyone was in here--”   
  
“Quite alright, lieutenant,” Spargo cut me off with a wave of his hand. I took a couple of steps further into the room, looking around. I wasn’t sure if this was better or worse than being alone than Pike at the moment.   
  
“If I may say so, lieutenant, your name,” The Admiral said, watching me, “Is rather familiar.”   
  
I felt my heart slam against my rib cage at the mention. He was feigning ignorance, but he and I both knew that he was very familiar with my name. Spargo wasn’t some senile old-timer that had to strain to relive his greatest victories and his most devastating losses.   
  
“My father was a diplomatic attaché for the Federation, sir.”  
  
Spargo hesitated, then nodded once.   
  
“I believe I worked with him once. Conflict resolution on Sorrel. Quick thinker, smart man.”   
  
“It runs in the family,” I heard Una speak up behind me and I ducked my head at the compliment. I glanced back at her, offering a small nod of thanks.   
  
“The Captain is waiting for you in the transporter room,” She added.   
  
\--  
  
Save for the single antenna that rose from the right side of their forehead, Larilians looked as human as Pike and Spargo and I. I knew I likely wouldn’t get to see any of the planet, really, and it frustrated me. It was the second time I’d been on Larilia and I wouldn’t get to see _anything_.   
  
Alright, so that wasn’t entirely true. I would be in the room that the negotiations took place in this time.   
  
Una had set expectations with me once I’d come down from some of my mortification (of whose source I had refused to explain). This would not be a single day’s worth of negotiating. She expected we would be on Larilia for at least a week. By the end of the second day of negotiating, I was certain that we’d be there for at least a month. The leaders of the two warring sides were sisters; there had been a dispute when their mother, the former leader, had passed away, and left no clear heir between the twins, Choholl and Chihurs.   
  
The two had been unable to come to a peaceful resolution; the family, politicians, and the planet had taken sides.   
  
Through me, Spargo tended to lead the conversation; when Pike interjected, it was for clarification. We’d been equipped with PADDs that Pike, Spargo and I could communicate through; it was easier for the two of them to message me and for me to voice it directly rather than have them ask the question and for me to repeat it.   
  
By the third day, though, it looked like the week might right on target.   
  
Choholl and Chihurs had reached a point of agreement in regards to a territory on Somonia, the planet’s moon, and the home of the processing plants for Larilia’s greatest export: nickel. It was incredibly rare in that area of the Beta Quadrant; the plants employed nearly a third of the Larilian population. Choholl, having declared that the export paid handsomely but was of little value to her, had declared that the territory could go to Chihurs.   
  
My PADD pinged with a single word from Spargo: _Dissuade_.   
  
My first instinct was to repeat the word, but I knew that that was wrong. I glanced in the Admiral’s direction, frowning. He gave a nod toward the message, brow arching when I didn’t speak up. I gave a small head shake and Spargo cleared his throat, drawing attention to him. He quickly tapped out another message, suggesting a break.   
  
I lifted my head, looking between Choholl and Chihurs, drawing their attention, and repeating the Admiral’s suggestion. I saw Pike shift on the other side of me.   
  
“We’re finally getting somewhere,” he argued.   
  
“Best not push it,” Spargo’s tone was short as he pushed his chair away from the table, along with Choholl, Chihurs, and their advisers.   
  
Pike stayed behind in the negotiating room, citing his need to contact the Enterprise to check in. I was tempted to stay planted, but the Admiral tapped a finger on my shoulder. I pushed myself up, following him out of the room and into our adjoining waiting room. I stayed near the door as it slid shut behind me. Spargo had already made his way to the other side of the room and was peering out of the window.   
  
“Do you disobey Pike regularly?”   
  
“Excuse me?” I asked.   
  
“I gave you an order in there, lieutenant, and you disregarded it,” Spargo turned to me.   
  
“Telling me to dissuade them from the only agreement that they’ve managed to make during the course of these talks seems like a bad move.”   
  
“Lieutenant,” Spargo’s voice was patronizing, “It is in the Federation’s best interest that the nickel processing plants go to Choholl and not to Chihurs.”   
  
“I think it’s more in the Federation’s interests that the two warring sides reach a peace.”   
  
“Do you think that this is the way that wars are fought and won? Do you think that this is how your father went about this? --Let me tell you something about your father.”   
  
I fought the urge to shrink away as Spargo stalked across the room.   
  
“He was a strong negotiator because he understood that in some cases, there would be losses-- There will always be a winner and a loser. You think your father never chose the Federation’s priorities over a planet’s well-being? You think he was entirely objective on Sorrel?”   
  
I dug my nails into my palms as I kept my gaze steadily on Spargo’s. My time in Starfleet had been largely untarnished by my father’s reputation, but his slip-up on Sorrel had been lingering in the back of my mind as I acted as the conduit between the two warring parties, the Captain, and the Admiral.   
  
Spargo stopped in front of me, the twist of his mouth cruel.   
  
“It’s unfortunate that you’ve taken no pains to learn from his mistakes. He didn’t listen to me at that table, either. His willfulness resulted in the escalation of a tensions and resulted in thousands of lives lost--”   
  
“That seems like an issue that you should’ve taken up not only with the Federation, but with my _father_. If you wish to speak with him about an error in judgement, Admiral, I can give you a reliable way to contact him once our mission here is completed.”   
  
“What’s going on?”   
  
Neither the Admiral nor I turned toward the Captain at the sound of his voice; I had no way of knowing how long he’d been there, but I couldn't imagine the Admiral would’ve continued berating me if he’d known that Pike was just a few feet away.   
  
“...The lieutenant and I were just having a conversation regarding strategy,” Spargo watched me still, daring me to contradict him. I couldn’t if I tried; my tongue felt like it was glued to the roof of my mouth.   
  
“I need to have a word with the Captain, lieutenant. If you’ll excuse us,” the Admiral added, nodding toward the door. I was in no place to object - if anyone was, it was Pike, but I didn’t want him to. I wanted out of that room as quickly as possible. I turned from the Admiral and strode out of the room. I must’ve passed too closely to Pike, because I felt his knuckles whisper across the back of my hand as I passed him.   
  
I was able to hold it together as I walked down the hall to my quarters on-world. I pressed my thumb to the identification pad and the door ‘swished’ open and shut behind me.   
  
I couldn’t stop breathing heavily. Anyone that had seen me could’ve passed it off as the speed I’d left the room with, how quickly I’d hurried down the hall. I tried to talk myself into thinking that, too, but the anger overtook me faster than the lie could. My breathing turned to wheezes; my fingers fumbled clumsily at my collar like they were sausages and not the dexterous digits that spent hours at a console working at comms and translations. I managed to work my collar open and unzip the jacket before I shucked it off, tossing it onto the bed in my temporary quarters.   
  
My heart had lodged itself in my throat, pounding at triple-time as I paced about my room. I knew that sitting down and taking deep breaths wouldn’t solve this; I was too enraged to just put on my Spock-cap this time, I couldn’t logic my way into calm. I braced myself against the windowsill, peering outside.   
  
What could I see? I could focus on that.   
  
Streets, trees, people. People that could be hurt if I didn’t do well - if I didn’t follow orders. I turned away from it, leaning back against the window instead. I could focus on something else.   
  
Definitions.  
  
Vulcan. I could put on a Spock cap in some estimation.   
  
_Be’_. Beside. At the side of, in comparison with.   
  
What was Spargo telling Pike?   
  
_Be’_. By. Close to, next to.   
  
About me, no doubt-- my father, my insubordination. He could’ve mentioned this to Pike before I’d been assigned.   
  
Maybe he had.   
  
Maybe Spargo had talked Pike into choosing me, not only because of the briefing that I’d given them, but because he thought that he could hang your father’s history over me.   
  
_Be’es._ A proximity. The state of, the quality of, or the fact of being near or next to.   
  
“Visitor: Captain Pike.”  
  
My head lifted at the sound of the computer. I took in a deep breath. I’d managed to calm myself down, some. Pike was probably coming to tell me that Thaleh would be taking it from there. I pushed off of the window and reached out, picking up my jacket and putting it back on. I zipped up my collar and tucked a finger into it, stretching it a bit.   
  
I opened the door, facing Pike head-on. His eyes searched my face for a moment before he said, “They’re ready for us.”   
  
I nodded a little, swallowing thickly.   
  
“Let’s go, then,” I said.   
  
\--   
  
The remainder of the day moved on without any further conflict between myself and Spargo. I translated his and the Captain’s messages verbatim; Choholl and Chihurs negotiated a de-escalation of combat in the Bronzehill region of the planet. Pike and Spargo returned to the Enterprise to dine there (Admiral Cornwell had beamed aboard to discuss progress). I stayed behind on the planet, venturing out onto the building’s deck.   
  
I had changed out of my uniform; my badge and communicator were in my pocket, just in case.   
  
“You are out quite late.”  
  
I straightened at the sound of Larilian-lilted Federation Standard. My brows rose at the sight of Chihurs drifting toward me.   
  
“I-- Forgive me, highness, I didn’t know that this area is off-limits--”   
  
“It is not, _**Voxi**_.” Pronounced _voh-ksi_, it was the Larilian word for ‘translator’, and the term that I had become accustomed to being referred to as over the last few days. I gave a small nod as Chihurs came to stop beside me, peering out over the city. Where I had been letting my mind go quiet, I was suddenly stiff, and panicked. How did one act around a royal?   
  
“Have you been through Willfall before?” Chihurs gestured toward the city. I shook my head a little.   
  
“I haven’t had the pleasure, no.”   
  
“You speak as a native.”   
  
I smiled a little at the compliment.   
  
“I… My father was here, many years ago, and I was with him. Someone was assigned to watch me for the week that we were here, and I learned as much as I could. I always liked the language, I thought it sounded like music.”   
  
“You’ve quite the ear for it, as did your father,_** voxi**_.”   
  
I felt a chill run through me as I turned to get a better look at Chihurs.   
  
“You knew my father?”   
  
Chihurs gave a single nod.   
  
“I remember his speech on the behalf of the Federation. It was… Hopeful. Far more hopeful than either Choholl or I were at the time.”  
  
“...Do you miss her?” I was afraid to ask, but the looks that the sisters had shared over the last few days had made me wonder. Chihurs’ antenna twitched.   
  
“Every day,” Her answer was quiet, her voice, thick with sorrow, “Every day I wonder how much longer we’ll have to endure this.” Larilians tended to live long lives; the average lifespan of a Larilian was 197 years. At nearly 99, the twins seemed to have at least another century of fight looming ahead of them. The look on Chihurs’ face told me that she didn’t have it in her.   
  
“She misses you, too,” I offered, “It’s plain in the way that she speaks, and the--- The moon, Somonia, when she gave it to you, when you accepted…Her eyes seemed to light up at seeing you happy.”  
  
Chihurs didn’t answer me at first, and I was sure I’d overstepped.   
  
“What do you think of our chances?” She asked finally. I reached up, rubbing at the back of my neck, unsure as I fixed my eyes on an arena not too far off.   
  
“I don’t know, I’ve never been to anything like this. At least-- not in an official capacity. But… Well, I’ve been in the room of negotiations that have gone downhill, or simply remained stagnant. The air always feels stifling, close, like-- Like they’re waiting for lightning to strike. It doesn’t feel like that to me.”   
  
“It has before,” Chihurs admitted, “It is odd to feel a channel so open between myself and Choholl after all of this time.”   
  
“Has it made you hopeful?”   
  
Chihur’s violet eyes settled on mine for a few moments.   
  
“It… Has started to. For the first time in over twenty years, I have been in a room with my sister with minimal biting words, with few arguments. We’re closer to a conflict resolution than we have been in a long time, thanks to you, and your Admiral and your Captain.”   
  
I nodded a little bit.   
  
“Captain Pike and Admiral Spargo know what they’re doing.”   
  
“And you?”   
  
“I’m...Just following their lead.”   
  
Chihurs raised a brow.   
  
“Do not do yourself the disservice of assuming your contribution is limited to your voice, _**voxi**_. You are quicker than you think.”   
  
I frowned, waiting for Chihurs to elaborate, but she straightened without another word, walking back into the building. I stayed on the balcony for a while longer. Part of me was itching to beam up to the Enterprise to speak with Una, but another part of me was determined to sort through this myself.   
  
Further open defiance of the Admiral could land me a court marshall, but an order to favor a side without cause didn’t fly with me. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was certain that I wouldn't be coming out of this cleanly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uuuhhh,,,, less angst than last time but still like a smidge. Just like a smidgeroo. 
> 
> Also, gotta say, I was so going for a slight Pride and Prejudice 2005 hand flex moment in the last chapter and y'all reaaally picked up what I put down

I tended to get in trouble as a child.   
  
It wasn’t that I went out of my way to do so, but it was something that sort of...Happened. Even if I could spot trouble coming a mile off and worked to course-correct, I still got in trouble.   
  
Going into our fourth day of negotiations, knowing full well that I would be working in the interests of the warring parties and not in the interests of the Admiral, I was certain that I wouldn't be coming out of this cleanly.   
  
\--  
  
_Somonia._   
  
The message came across to me on the private channel between myself and Spargo. I turned my head to look at him and he nodded toward the screen. I tapped back a response: _? _  
  
Spargo quickly typed back: _Revisit_.   
  
I replied: _Unnecessary_. I felt Spargo staring at me as I caught Choholl and Chihurs’ attention. I reminded them that we had left off with the armistice at Bronzehill.  
  
“_**If I may,**_” I said to them, typing what I was saying to both Spargo and Pike, “_**There is the matter of demilitarizing Willfall**_.”   
  
My PADD buzzed with a message of Pike that said, ‘_Bold_’. Spargo made no answer; I didn’t look to him for further approval or direction. If I could make him see that Choholl and Chihurs were truly working toward bridging the gap between them, maybe his approach could be changed just a little.  
  
\--   
  
The day consisted of Pike and I steering the conversation together; Spargo didn’t type a word of instruction to me; it was a wonder he was still sitting there at the end of the day. After hours of translating, hours of push-and-pull, the two sides reached an agreement to pull all military forces from the capital city. I watched as Choholl and Chihurs smiled at one another before Chihurs turned to me and gave a small nod of thanks. I gave one in turn, unable to help the smile that pulled at my own lips.   
  
Spargo stood with no word or warning, and the Larilians in the room turned sharply to watch him leave. I hurried to correct and announce it, but the damage had been done; I saw the flickering of both Choholl and Chihurs’ antennas at the slight. Pike nudged his arm with my own, nodding after him, and I hurried to announce Pike’s leaving next. He gave the Larilians a quick nod before he clasped my shoulder, hurrying out after the Admiral.   
  
I rose to my feet as the Larilians did, unsteady in my worry. Before she left, Choholl caught my eye.   
  
“Bold moves are not made without ruffling a few feathers, _**voxi**_,” She said before she left, her council trailing behind her. I frowned. _Bold_ moves? I watched them all leave before I hurried around to their side of the table, looking at the PADDs on their side of the table. I swiped away from their messages to one another and to a message menu before I spotted open messages from our side.   
  
The Larilians had access to our channels.   
  
They knew what the Admiral had tried to do. Perhaps that was what Chihurs had meant by my contribution not being limited to my voice - she had known when I had refused to dissuade Choholl from giving Somonia to her.   
  
“Lieutenant?”   
  
I looked up from the PADDs, spotting Pike in the doorway. He took in the look on my face and frowned.   
  
“What is it?”   
  
“They can see our messages.”   
  
“... I’m failing to see why what’s cause for concern.”   
  
I waved Pike closer, opening to the messages that the Admiral had sent directly to me. I leaned back against the table then, folding my arms over my chest and waiting for the talking-to that I was sure to receive.   
  
“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” Was his response, and my head whipped around to look at him, stunned.   
  
“I-- You’ve been discussing strategy with Spargo, I thought you knew.”   
  
“Knew what?” Pike drew himself up to his full height, looking down at me, “What has he told you?”   
  
“He told me that it was in the Federation’s best interests that Somonia went to Choholl, not Chihurs.”   
  
I watched as Pike considered; his gaze drifted back down to the PADD.   
  
“...He mentioned something of the sort to Cornwell last night,” He nodded, “But it was in no way of any interest to the Federation.”   
  
“Who was it in the interest of?”   
  
“Lieutenant!”   
  
I whirled around at the irate bark of my title that came from the Admiral in the doorway.   
  
“You are aware that direct insubordination is an offense for which you can be court marshalled?”   
  
“As is the breaking of Starfleet Order 2, which prohibits the killing of intelligent life forms. If I had carried on negotiations as you had ordered, I would’ve been just as responsible for any further loss of Larilian life on this planet as you would’ve been,” I snapped.  
  
“You’re off of this negotiation, and if I have anything to say about it, you’ll never set foot on a Starfleet ship again,” Spargo seethed. A chill ran through me. There it was: I had tempted trouble and it had come to meet me in full force.  
  
“You won’t have much to say about it after I tell Admiral Cornwell exactly what’s been going on,” Pike interrupted before I could get another word in, “Deliberately trying to sabotage negotiations in order to increase your own wealth is a direct violation of Starfleet regulations. You might want to make sure you have a leg to stand on before you start threatening _my_ crew, Admiral.”   
  
Spargo was red in the face and breathing heavily as he looked between Pike and I; I swore the vein on his forehead was going to burst. He pulled his communicator out of his pocket.   
  
“Spargo to Enterprise, one to beam up.”   
  
Pike and I watched him beam out.   
  
“...What’s going to happen?” I asked. Fear was starting to set in now that some of the adrenaline and righteous anger were dropping away.   
  
“I’ll handle it. Go back to your guest quarters, wait there-- Hey,” Pike caught me by the shoulder before I could turn away, “You didn’t do anything wrong, and you are not leaving the Enterprise.”   
  
“Maybe don’t make any promises just yet, Captain,” I mumbled. Pike’s hand lifted from my shoulder and he crooked two fingers, lifting my chin to force me to meet his eyes.   
  
“You have my _word_,” He swore.  
  
\--   
  
I desperately wanted to beam back to the Enterprise, but I understood Pike’s strategy - leaving me on the planet would signal that despite Spargo’s rudeness, we hadn’t abandoned negotiations and had no intentions of doing so. They’d also left behind the one crew member that spoke Larilian, so I’d be able to answer any questions that they had regarding the Admiral’s abrupt exit (though I had planned on saying that he was feeling unwell if anyone did bother to ask).   
  
It was four agonizing hours before my communicator beeped.   
  
“Since when do you cite a regulation without their being a loophole involved?” Number One’s voice crackled over the line, and I rolled my eyes a little bit, lowering myself into my armchair.   
  
“I thought I’d try something new,” I grumbled, “What’s going on up there?”   
  
“Spargo has...Departed, for lack of a better word. Admiral Cornwell was on her way to Starbase 218, but she may be returning to take over the negotiations from here.”  
  
“_May_ be?” I repeated, frowning.   
  
“From what the Captain relayed about today’s negotiation, they’re not entirely sure the two of you need anyone else down there. You demilitarized the planet’s capital without the help of the Admiral, that’s a point in your favor.”   
  
“That was one instance. I was hoping the progress might just make Spargo change tactics.”   
  
There was a pause on Number One’s end and I frowned.   
  
“Una?--”   
  
“The Captain said that there seemed to be an incident yesterday-- He came in and Spargo was telling you off for something. He didn’t know what it was. Was it the negotiations, still?”   
  
“Yes.”   
  
“He heard you say something about your father.”   
  
I threw my legs over the side of the armchair, sagging down into it.   
  
“Spargo brought up Sorrel.”   
  
There was another long pause from Una’s side. I didn’t rush to fill the silence this time.   
  
“Are you alright?” Una’s voice had softened marginally.   
  
“... What my dad did isn’t what…” I started before stopping, looking around my room as if for some kind of guidance, “I mean, what Spargo said, he just-- He implied that if I didn’t listen to him like my dad apparently didn’t, the outcome would be the same.”   
  
“Do you think that that’s true?”   
  
I shook my head a little bit, even though Una couldn’t see me.   
  
“I don’t want to think about that right now,” I answered.   
  
“You can expect three more days on the planet, possibly four, but considering the Larilian’s clear interest in negotiating with each other and the demilitarization of the capital, my analysis shows that a peace is not very far off,” Una’s ‘Number One’ voice was back.   
  
“I trust your analysis.”   
  
“Try to get some rest, lieutenant.”   
  
“Yessir.”   
  
“Number One out.”   
  
I tossed my communicator onto the side table, tipping my head back. I didn’t have to worry about Spargo for the time being, at least. I could worry about that when I was back on the Enterprise.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it was stupid, but I didn’t want Pike knowing -- about Sorrel, about my dad, about Spargo trying to hold it over me. It had rattled me then, and it unsettled me now.

“How long are we not going to talk about it?”  
  
The Captain frowned, head tipping just a little as he asked, “Not talk about what?”   
  
I fixed him with a knowing look, and his mouth twisted into something that was a grimace masquerading as a smile.   
  
The Treaty of Willfall had been signed by Choholl and Chihurs. Cornwell had chosen not to return for the negotiations, but instead had checked in with myself and Pike at the end of every session to see how we were progressing. Una’s analysis was just a day off; we had been able to bring the remaining conflicts to a peaceful resolution within five days. A diplomatic attaché from Starfleet was being briefed and would be stationed on the planet to help oversee the demilitarization and transitions of power that had been discussed. It was only the beginning for Larilia, but I beamed off of the planet feeling like I’d done some good.   
  
Throughout the remainder of our time on-world, Pike and I had discussed nothing but our strategy - we didn’t talk about home, or our lives like we used to; we didn’t discuss what had happened with Spargo. Our conversations were single-minded, to the point. I kinda liked it that way; I couldn’t allow Spargo’s threats to creep in and cloud our goal while we were there.   
But now that we were back on the ship, now that I was somehow alone again with Pike in his ready room, each of us two drinks deep and finished discussing the report I’d written up for my time on Larilia, the questions and the worries were creeping back in. 

“You want another one?” Pike asked instead of answering my questions he stood from his couch. I cringed.  
  
“Am I going to need it for this conversation?” I asked before draining what was left in my glass. He chuckled, plucking the empty glass out of my hand and walking back over to his small bar. I glanced after him before looking ahead again. There was an ottoman in front of me, one that I’d been so tempted to use every time I was in there, but I couldn’t bring myself to muster the audacity to put my feet up. Maybe if I got a few slush-os in me first.   
  
“Your laughter isn’t as reassuring as you think it is,” I grumbled.   
  
“Noted.”   
  
I smiled a little at that, resting my forehead on my hand as I waited for him to come back.  
  
“Here.”   
  
I looked up when I heard him and took my proffered glass with a mumbled, “Thanks.”  
  
Putting my Spock-cap on and drawing the logical conclusion, Pike should’ve resettled on the couch where he’d been lounging. Instead he lowered himself onto the ottoman directly in front of me, our knees brushing. My heart leapt into my throat as Pike looked down into his glass again. I looked over his face, at where his eyelashes fanned out. As he raised his head, I mirrored his previous countenance, looking down into the dark depths of my drink and swirling it around a bit.   
  
“I spoke to Admiral Cornwell,” He finally said, “And Spargo would technically have a case for insubordination-- _but_,” He cut in as I sucked my lips between my teeth, biting down on them to keep from saying anything stupid, “It’s been already been proven that Spargo was working in his own self-interests and not for the good of Larilia or the Federation. To top it all off, the Admiral had some additional information given to her about the...Situation that occurred between yourself and Spargo.”   
  
I frowned, releasing my lips from between my teeth and lifting my gaze back to Pike’s.   
  
“Additional…? I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”   
  
“Number One mentioned a few things that Spargo apparently said to you. Cornwell needs you to confirm them, otherwise they’re just hearsay--”   
  
I leaned back in my seat, turning to look out of the window, watching the stars blur together as my stomach churned uneasily. I knew it wasn’t the drinks, it was the worry. 

Una. Blabbermouth.   
  
“What she told us was only in the interest of defending you--” Pike began to justify, and I grumbled, “I know.”   
  
That didn’t make it any easier. In truth, I didn’t plan on relaying that particular interaction to Cornwell or Pike myself. Maybe it was stupid, but I didn’t _want_ Pike knowing -- about Sorrel, about my dad, about Spargo trying to hold it over me. It had rattled me then, and it unsettled me now.   
  
“...Why didn’t you tell me that Spargo spoke to you that way?” Pike’s voice was careful, soft; he wasn’t condemning me, he was just _confused_, “You said that you thought that we had discussed strategy, but surely you didn’t think--”   
  
“No,” I shook my head, “Of course not, not that. You’re not a cruel man, Christopher.”   
  
His name slipping past my lips was enough to stun both of us. I watched his body shift, saw his eyes widen slightly in the space of a blink. I closed my mouth immediately, swallowing thickly before I made a show of setting my drink aside. Pike lowered his head, chuckling again, and I scrubbed my hand over my face.   
  
“I’m sorry-- and again: I do not find your laughter reassuring.”   
  
“You’ve had a long week, lieutenant, and I’m not exactly offended at being told that I’m not cruel.”   
  
I rested my head on my hand again, considering.   
  
“So, if I confirm with Cornwell what Spargo...Said, as well the logs from my PADD…?”   
  
Pike nodded, sitting up straight.   
  
“It’ll be fine. Spargo’s apparently got a long history of steering these negotiations in directions that favor him. I told you that you had my word, didn’t I?”  
  
I nodded, murmuring, “You did.”   
  
I met Pike’s eye again, giving him what smile I could manage.   
  
“Thank you, Captain.”   
  
He offered me a soft smile, one that loosened my own.   
  
“Anytime, lieutenant.” 

\--

“Everything in order?”   
  
I looked up at Number One, smiling.   
  
“I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to be sitting at a console.”   
  
I watched her step away to speak with Lieutenant Commander Thaleh, who was leaning over an ensign’s console. I knew I’d have to speak to Una about what she’d relayed to Cornwell and Pike about my dealings with Spargo, but now wasn’t the time. Frankly I had a lot of questions for Una, but it never seemed like quite the right time. Now and again, when I was trying to sleep, and every single disappointing thing I’d ever done in my life flooded into my mind to keep my awake, Una’s face would sometimes pop up - her frown from that day that Captain and I had returned from Sandblossom.   
  
Lately, though, my mind would offer me three conflicting images - all of Pike. The first was the last glimpse of him in the turbolift, that night we’d been at Liquara. The second was from just after he’d told me I was going to be serving as a translator on Larilia, when he’d waved off my apology - that guarded little twist of his mouth as he’d said, “I overstepped.” The third, the most recent, was the look of surprise when I’d said his name in his ready room. The way his damn tractor-beam-blue eyes had widened - his head pulling back, the quick breath that he’d sucked in. It was like I’d burned him.   
  
And then to just laugh it off a moment later, like it was nothing.   
  
I still couldn’t believe that I’d called him ‘_Christopher_’. Idiot. I mean sure, that was his name, but he was my _Captain_.   
  
I turned away from Una and Thaleh and refocused on my console. I was back on the ship, I was secure in my position, and the Enterprise was on its way to its next destination: a planet in the Beta Quadrant, with a language whose dialect that I had only the vaguest grasp on, but a written language that had been part of my dissertation. Spargo and Larilia were in my rear view. I could worry about Una and tractor-beam-blue later.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before all of this, before Spargo, before Uthea C4, I might’ve been bummed that I was staying on the ship while Thaleh beamed down with the rest of the away team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Hoo boy. Cursing...Yearning? First Contact™?

The nice thing was that it was a contained incident.

The not-so-nice thing was... Well, that it was an incident.

A contained incident that had been witnessed by Una and Spock, two people who I knew would probably never let me live it down.

\--

Koutov was a forest plant.

When I had occasion to translate Koutovian text during my dissertation, the substance of the text had been around an herb blend for tea. Koutovian tea was renowned in the quadrant; Spock had had it and spoken highly of it, which meant it had to be pretty damn good. Thaleh was going to take the lead on this particular mission.  
  
At least, Thaleh was _supposed_ to take the lead on this particular mission.  
  
I had been pretty relieved about that. I was more than happy to take a step back after Larilia; she wanted me to take more of a hand in training Ensign Paledore, anyway. The beginnings of our journey to Koutov had been riddled with stops to other planets - Deneva, Kantare, Calder II, Valakis. Before all of this, before Spargo, before Uthea C4, I might’ve been bummed that I was staying on the ship while Thaleh beamed down with the rest of the away team.  
  
And then Thaleh had been ‘borrowed’ by Admiral Cornwell for a conference on Starbase 218, and I was left acting Lieutenant Commander. This was akin to when she had been on leave - but it was much, much worse; when Thaleh was on leave, the work had been more evenly spread between myself and a few other officers. This time, given my proximity to the Captain and the missions that I had been undertaken recently, Thaleh had entrusted me with more responsibility. I wasn’t upset with her - she hadn’t expected to be pulled off of the ship to assist Cornwell, and the fact that she had left me as acting Lieutenant Commander meant that she had an incredible amount of trust in me. But I was tired. I had never been so busy in my time on the Enterprise. Thaleh had left me briefings for the other stops to be made on the way to Koutov, but they weren’t complete. I spent my off-hours researching and filling in the questions I still had.   
  
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in, like, days,” Thira did sound a little worried as she said so, which was sweet of her. I shot her a thin smile from where my head was resting against the back of the couch in the lounge.  
  
“I’ve been kinda… You know. All over the place,” I waved my hands around, “It’s been busy down there.”  
  
“Are you going to keep covering for Thaleh, or-- I mean is she going to be back from the conference after Koutov?”  
  
I groaned, bringing my hands up and scrubbing at my eyes.  
  
“I have no idea, but I’m sure Captain Dimples will sort it out.”  
  
“What’s that, lieutenant?”  
  
“I said, ‘he’s the Captain, plain and simple, I’m sure he’ll sort it out’,” I fibbed. I kept scrubbing at my eyes, refusing to look through my fingers. When I did pick my head up and lower my hands, I found Pike and Number One standing in front of myself and Thira. I did my best to keep a straight face, though my cheeks were burning. The corner of Pike’s mouth was lifted, like he was trying not to laugh.  
  
“We’ll be arriving at Koutov in approximately six hours,” Number One informed me dryly. I nodded a little.  
  
“Okay… I mean, the population has a good handle on Federation Standard.”  
  
“I’d like for you to beam down with the away team, if you wouldn’t mind,” Pike said. I shook my head a little.  
  
“Of course, Captain.”  
  
He gave Thira a nod before he began to step back around the couch. He stopped just beside and looked down at me.  
  
“And lieutenant.”  
  
“Sir?”  
  
“Nice catch.”  
  
I frowned, brow furrowing, “Not sure I know what you mean, sir.”  
  
I could see Pike still fighting back a smile and hiding said dimples in the process.  
  
“Perhaps I misheard you,” He conceded.  
  
“You must’ve. Maybe you oughta get that checked out. I’m sure Dr. Boyce would be happy to test your hearing.”  
  
“Six hours, lieutenant.”  
  
“Yessir.”  
  
Pike strode away, leaving me alone with Thira and Number One.  
  
“..._'Captain Dimples_’?” Una repeated once he was gone, arching a critical brow. I slid back down in my seat.  
  
“This is usually the part of the dream where the floor opens up and swallows me.”

\--

It had to be because I hadn’t gotten much sleep, right? It had to be. Sleep deprivation and adjusting to the new atmosphere. Class M planet or not, it wasn’t as if Koutov had the exact same atmosphere as Earth, or the Enterprise. On top of that, my body was running on four hours of sleep. That was what was making my stomach twist was anxiety. That had to be it - had to be. But why hadn’t that feeling kicked in only half an hour ago?

We’d been beamed down to a botanical conservatory on Koutov - myself, Pike, Number One, and Spock. We’d been greeted by their Minister for Intergalaxy Relations, Bimao Nenreotov. Pike and Nenreotov had briefly discussed Koutov’s remaining in the Federation, the reason for our visiting the planet in the first place. Nenreotov had been incredibly forthright in the planet’s decision to remain in the Federation, and had been graced with one of the Captain’s wide, be-dimpled smiles. Even during that conversation, which was arguably (at that point) the most nerve-wracking part of our mission, I hadn’t been plagued by the anxiety.

Nenreotov had invited us to tour the conservatory. I hadn’t been plagued by anxiety then, either. As our tour began, we were each offered cups of tea. Spock looked pleased, and fell into an easy conversation with Nenreotov about Koutovian tea. He fell into step beside the Minister, with Una on his other side, leaving myself and Pike to bring up the rear, cups in hand.

“Well that went smoothly,” Pike had commented quietly.

“Certainly more smoothly than the last time I was beamed down to a planet,” I’d agreed, “Told you you wouldn’t need me.”

I felt Pike cast me a sidelong glance, “I was glad to have you along regardless.”

“Yes, I’m very good at sitting still and saying nothing.”

“That’s not true. You’re awful at sitting still.”

Pike and I had continued to hang back, sipping our tea intermittently and listening to Nenreotov tell us about the plants in the conservatory. An attendant had been along to collect the empty mugs from the group of us not long ago.

But now my stomach was _twisting_, and my throat was dry, and what was the Minister pointing out to us? Ah, Vulcan Mint, lovely. Of course.

I wrung my hands where they were clasped behind my back, careful to not draw attention to myself. I couldn’t be rude and ask to beam back to the ship. That would be rude to the Minister, not to mention another offense to add to the list of that day’s slip-ups.

“Are you warm? I’m boiling,” Pike muttered to me. I looked up at him and was surprised to find him a little flushed. I nodded, facing forward.

“It is a little warm,” I agreed quietly, doing my best to downplay my discomfort.

“A little? I feel like I’m back in Mojave -- Hang on.”

He cleared his throat, drawing the Minister’s attention as we neared a fountain.

“The lieutenant and I are going to sit for a moment and catch our breath.”

Nenreotov tipped his head to the side at the explanation; he looked between myself and Pike before nodding once, “Of course.”

“Are you quite alright, Captain?” Spock asked, brow furrowing.

“Sure,” Pike waved him off, “Just a bit warm. You all go on, we’ll catch up.”

Una had that look on her face again - the one she’d given me after Sandblossom. But now it was directed at _Pike_.

“Follow the path when you wish to catch up, we’ll keep it true,” Nenreotov gestured to the white marble path through the conservatory that we’d been following. Pike nodded. I lowered myself to sit on the edge of the fountain. Pike remained standing, watching the others go. I sighed, looking down at my hands. Why were my palms sweating? I rubbed them against my pants before I reached up, tugging the zip down on my collar a bit. I sighed at the feeling of air brushing over my throat. It was another few moments before Pike lowered himself down to sit beside me.

Maybe it was how warm I already was, or how warm he’d mentioned being, but it felt like heat was rolling off of him like a furnace. I looked to him as I heard him sigh, watching him tip his chin up and undo his collar. I let myself gaze at the bit of his skin that I could see from that angle before I quickly turned away, feeling Pike’s gaze shift to me.

“You alright?” he asked. Why was his voice so soft, so low? Did he always sound like that?

“Mhm,” I gave a quick nod. Anxious as I was, I suddenly wished I’d told Pike that I really wasn’t warm at all, that I was perfectly fine, and had left that Captain alone to open his collar and cool off.

“You’re an awful liar,” He accused, knocking his knee against mine.

“Oh, because you’re so great at it?”

“I’m better than ‘_he’s Captain, plain and simple_’.”

I groaned, tipping my head back; the sound was covered by Pike's laugh.

“You’re never going to let me forget that, are you.”

“Absolutely not. You’re a quick thinker, I will say that for you,” He added as I lifted my head again.

“And that is about all there is to be said.”

“That’s not true.”

“Right. I also can’t keep still.”

“You’re also smart, clever...Resilient and…”

I chanced a glance in Pike’s direction and was surprised to see him looking at me.

“And…?” I pressed gently.

“Lovely.”

It was said with such a quiet sincerity that it threw me. I felt my breath hitch a little in my throat. I had to look away - I was _staring_, I was sure I looked like an idiot. Thing is, Pike was staring, too. Pike was staring, and his lips were twitching into a small smile.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing, just… You’ve got a freckle on your eyelid. Never noticed,” He mumbled. I shook my head a little.

“Well, you don’t have many occasions to stare at my eyelids… Or reasons to want to.”

My eyes drifted to a bead of sweat that I saw slipping down the side of Pike’s face. It seemed to be sliding in slow motion - down his cheek, hugging the sharp curve of his jaw before it trickled down to his throat. I don’t know what possessed me, but I reached up, steadying my fingers against his neck and using my thumb to wipe away the drop before it could disappear. I found myself frozen again. I _needed_ to move my hand - what the hell was I doing? I more felt than heard the hum that Pike made and that spurred me into action.

“I--Captain, I--”

“It’s alright,” He murmured, even as I began to shake my head, even as I began to pull my hand away, _finally_.

“I’m sorry--”

“It’s alright,” He insisted again, catching hold of my wrist. My stomach was a tornado of butterflies; my heart was beating faster than a hummingbird’s wings. I felt like I was going to explode. Why was he still holding to me -- I glanced down as I felt his thumb smooth reassuringly over the soft of my wrist, and then looked up again as I felt his other hand cup my chin.

“You’re still so warm,” He said quietly.

“So are you.”

I meant for it to come out defensive, but I heard the damnably breathless way that it left me.

Pike’s hand dropped away from my cheek, and I bit my lips to tamp down a whimper. I watched as he dipped his hand into the water of the fountain for a moment. He pulled his hand back out, shaking it off a little. He met my eye, looking for any hesitance or discomfort on my part. When I held still, he slipped his hand under my collar, cupping the side of my neck. My eyes fell shut at the rush of coolness against my skin - I couldn’t help the whimper that left me this time.

“...Christopher,” I breathed out; my wrist rolled in his hold to grasp at his hand.

And then I heard him murmur my name. My _name_.

Not my last name, not _Lieutenant_.

I opened my eyes to look at him. He was so, so close - as close as he’d been before in his ready room, as close as he’d been when he’d promised he wouldn’t let Spargo take me from the Enterprise.

It was the clicking of incoming heels that cut through the fog. I felt my stomach flip, the butterflies dissipate, the anxiety flood back in as I hurriedly pulled my hand from his. Pike didn’t rush to lower his hand from my neck, but he did turn away to see who was coming.

Number One and Spock were coming around the bend of the path. I could see from Spock’s single raised brow and the twist of Una’s mouth that whatever they’d seen was more than enough. Before either of us could explain or speak, Number One said, “We need to get you both to Medical.”

\--

Fucking Koutovian tea.

To say that Boyce was visibly amused by the circumstance was an understatement. He kept shooting glances at the biobed on the other side of the Med Bay, where Pike’s vitals were being monitored by Nurse Chapel. I hadn’t been able to meet Pike’s eye since we’d been beamed back aboard and rushed to Medical.

The blend of spices that had been included in the tea that Nenreotov had given us included a strong amount of _Susurrus Concalesco_, or _Whispering Flush_ \- a plant native to Koutov. It was served to prospective mates on Koutov to suss out the viability of successful partnerships. Whispering Flush heightened the effects of the chemical components of attraction if they were already present in the bloodstream -- adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, testosterone, oxytocin.

Spock, Una, and Nenreotov had had the same tea, the same spice blend, and were totally fine. Pike and I were, well… A different matter. Apparently Nenreotov had pointed the herb out to Spock and Una on the tour as they’d walked on, mentioned its use in the blend we’d been given, snickered about our ‘_symptoms_’. 

“Your heart rate is still a little high,” Boyce informed me as he lowered his tricorder, “But that’s something that should wear off as the tea leaves your system. Go back to your quarters, get some rest. Come back in twenty-four hours if you’re still feeling the… Effects.”

I wasn’t sure if he was trying to be delicate or trying to tease and make light of the situation to make me feel better, but either option sucked. I nodded and mumbled my thanks, sliding off of the biobed. I didn’t look at Pike as I left - I couldn’t. What the hell could I even say?

Thira was on-shift when I arrived back in my quarters, thank god. I was still overheated, still thrumming with nervous energy. A cold shower would help, right?

My mind drifted back to the feeling of Pike’s hand, cool and dripping, sliding under my collar and I groaned, closing my eyes. I couldn’t think about that. I couldn’t think about it now, I sure as hell couldn’t think about it later. I couldn’t just _assume_ Pike’s interest despite the plant’s use. I had to put my Spock cap on. Pike could have those feelings for someone else, could’ve had those hormones in his system, and I was just the nearest body. And sure, maybe that wasn’t the kindest light to paint Pike in, but I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly when I was on that planet. I hadn’t exactly done a good job at keeping my hands to myself. I wondered how long it would take to get transferred to another ship. Maybe there was an opening on the Hiawatha?  
  
No. No. Spock cap. I was jumping to conclusions. I couldn’t make any rash decisions while this tea was in my system.  
  
Fucking Koutovian tea. 

Shower. I could start with a shower. A shower, and then maybe a Klingon poem. I unzipped my collar, pulling it away from my neck. I groaned as I heard my PADD beep. What now? Number One, ready with the lecture that had surely been imminent for months now? Or maybe it was Ensign Paledore with a question with the translation exercise I’d left him with.

I lifted my device and froze when I saw the message there.

_**Pike**_:_ I need to speak with you. _


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once I’d seen the notification of Pike’s message, panic had shot through me. I didn’t open it, I didn’t answer it. Whatever conversation he wanted to have with me, surely he’d want to wait until the tea wore off, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all had a good week :D Thanks for all the comments and kudos!! I love chatting with you guys 🥰

“I thought Boyce told you to go to your quarters.”  
  
My hands were already clenched into fists, so I didn’t need to find a way to hide my reaction to hearing that voice again, so close, and so soon.  
  
Once I’d seen the notification of Pike’s message, panic had shot through me. I didn’t open it, I didn’t answer it. Whatever conversation he wanted to have with me, surely he’d want to wait until the tea wore off, anyway. I knew that there was no way a shower and working through a poem was going to get my mind off this (though my grasp of Klingon was getting better). I’d gotten changed and gone down to the gym. I was relieved to find it empty. I needed to work off some of the nervous energy that had been pulsing through me for the last hour. 

  
My assumption about what Pike wanted had been wrong. Here he was, behind me, his voice almost stony in its reminder of what the doctor had told me. I raised my hands to steady the punching bag before turning back to face the Captain.  
  
“He did,” I nodded, “And I went. He didn’t tell me to _ stay _ there.”  
  
Pike’s face was unreadable. That was new -- that was _ bad _ . I’d spent so much time around the man that I could usually at least gauge his mood. In private, Pike tended to wear his every thought, every feeling on his sleeve. He was guarding himself now. I couldn’t be too offended - I was, too. We’d crossed a line on Koutov, and I didn’t know what it meant for my professional relationship with the Captain, or my time on the Enterprise - _ if _ I had any left.  
  
“He told you to get rest,” Pike reminded me.  
  
“I can do that when I’m finished here.”  
  
Pike took a deep breath, face unmoving, still. I couldn’t help but wonder what he was feeling - irritation? Fury? Hurt? Betrayal? I couldn’t imagine it being anything light or fluffy where I was concerned, not right now. I’d probably know _ exactly _ what he was feeling if I’d heeded his message when he’d sent it, but I wasn’t ready to face whatever this was about to be.  
  
“I need to speak with you,” He said quietly, “About what happened.”  
  
“We can do that when I’m finished here, too.”  
  
“_Now _ , lieutenant.”  
  
Everything in me was screaming to not be stupid, to not make this worse, but my mouth opened and I answered,  
  
“_Later _ , Captain.”  
  
I saw Pike’s jaw muscle twitch as he clenched his teeth. I’d seen him frustrated, sure, but I’d never seen him _ angry _ .  
  
He gave one firm nod before he said,  
  
“Fine.”  
  
I watched him reach up and unzip his command jacket to reveal a black long-sleeve shirt underneath.  
  
“Wh-What are you doing?” I asked, watching him step aside and setting his jacket on the bench where I’d left my water bottle and communicator.  
  
“Best two out of three,” Pike answered, tone clipped, “If you win, we talk later. If I win, we talk now.”  
  
“You can’t be serious.”  
  
“Do I look like I’m joking, lieutenant?”   
  
He really didn’t. In fact, he had already gone to the mats and taken up a fighting stance. I sighed quietly, mirroring his stance and taking a breath to calm myself.  
  
“What counts as a win?” I asked.  
  
“Your opponent’s back hitting the mat. I believe you’re familiar with that feeling, lieutenant, considering the last time we had the occasion to spar, you wound up there a number of times. Five, if I’m not mistaken?”  
  
The goading had always worked before; Pike and I usually engaged in a fair bit of smack-talk when we were sparring. This was different, though. I really, _ really _ didn’t want to talk about what had happened on Koutov; I didn’t want to fight about it, and I certainly didn’t want to _ fist-fight _ about it. Did that tea amplify the bad feelings along with the good?  
  
The quickest way to end this would be to go for the vulnerable areas - his eyes, his throat, his crotch. But my fighting dirty could mean Pike reciprocating, and I could only imagine that going downhill exceptionally quickly.  
  
My contemplation had me so distracted that I nearly missed Pike drawing his right arm back for a hook. I raised both hands on instinct, stepping forward into the oncoming attack. I blocked his arm with my left and bent my right arm in toward my head, using my elbow to deflect any further attack from Pike’s upper body. He reeled away, taking two steps back before bringing his right leg up for a kick. I blocked one strike with my shin, then another, then another, working him a step back with each one.  
  
“Are you planning on attacking at all, lieutenant?” Pike snapped.  
  
“Why would I _ tell _ you?” I retorted before ducking out of the way out of a jab. I caught hold of Pike’s arm with my hands, twisting and turning under it before using his forward momentum to throw him over my shoulder. His back hit the mat with a satisfying _ thud _ .  
  
“...That’s one,” I added. I hesitated before I held my hand out to Pike. He ignored it, pushing himself off of the ground.  
  
“Again,” He ordered.  
  
I sighed heavily, resetting my stance. I wasn’t going to argue; I wasn’t going to throw out some line about how if I had kicked his ass once, I was sure to do it again. I was too distracted by the beads of sweat that were breaking out on his forehead. This was probably bad; that line of thinking had gotten me in enough trouble already. My eyes darted to his neck, then his arms before lifting to his face again.  
  
“Don’t get cocky, lieutenant,” Pike added, as if I’d said something.  
  
“Wouldn’t dream of it, Captain,” I retorted, “Ya gonna hit me or what?”  
  
“I threw the first punch before, I figured we’d switch it up. Ladies first.”  
  
“So we’re punching at the same time?”  
  
Whoops. So much for not engaging in smack-talk. Pike’s lips quirked into a dangerous little smile.  
  
“You feel really good about this, huh?” He asked, lowering his hands and straightening up. I narrowed my eyes, keeping my hands where they were and holding steady even as Pike slowly came closer.  
  
“Is this a new tactic?” I asked, nodding toward him.  
  
“Feeling _ very _ , very good about this--”  
  
“It’s not gonna work.”  
  
“What isn’t?”  
  
“This ‘lulling me into a false sense of security’ bullshit,” I said, gesturing toward where his hands were lowered at his sides, “I’m not buying it-- and I’m a _ little _ offended that you think I’m that stupid.”  
  
Pike tipped his head to the side  
  
“I don’t think you’re stupid.”  
  
“If you don't get your hands up in the next ten seconds, Captain, we’re not talking about _ shit _ until either I get my own ship or Una resigns.”  
  
Pike was halfway to getting his hands up before I went for a jab-hook combo. He took two steps back as I did, eyes widening a little. I pulled both punches, knowing he wouldn’t be ready for them. I aimed a kick next, but Pike shifted out of the way of it. I wobbled as my foot landed unsteadily on the ground.  
  
Pike’s hand landed on my shoulder before he stepped in, hooking his leg around mine. Then he turned and _ pulled _ me toward him. I watched him pivot with me, as if we were moving in slow motion. My breath left me in a huff as my back made contact with the mat. Pike stood over me, that dangerous little smile back on his face.  
  
“You were saying, lieutenant?”  
  
I hesitated before I kicked my foot out, trying to sweep his feet. He hopped out of the way, chuckling and shaking his head.  
  
“I don’t think so. Up, come on.”  
  
I groaned as I pushed myself off of the floor. I never thought sparring with the Captain would get me in trouble; the man knew all of my moves now.  
  
I rolled my shoulders, flexing my fingers before clenching my hands into fists.  
  
There was no trash talk from either of us this time; both of us had just a little too much to lose. I don’t know if I was still winded from hitting the mat, burnt out from the tea running my emotions overtime, or just _ over _ fighting Pike, but this time, I made stupid decision after stupid decision. Pike went on the offensive - it took four kicks, one feint, two jabs, and I was on the floor. I had to fight the urge to kick my feet in frustration.  
  
“Let’s go,” Pike said firmly. I ignored the hand he held out to me as he had mine before. I grabbed my communicator and water bottle, following Pike out of the gym. Pissed as I was, we had a deal. When my head was clear, I wanted a damn rematch.  
  
I followed him in silence, expecting to go to the ready room. I stilled when I realized we were outside of his quarters. I bit my lip, eyes darting over Pike’s profile before looking up at down the halls, concerned someone would see us.  
  
He waved me inside when the door _ swooshed _ open. I stepped inside, fighting the urge to look around. The less time I spent being curious, the less time I’d have to would be in there. Pike walked further inside, tossing his jacket over the back of a chair. Was that wing-back-- No. No, I wasn’t looking. I lowered my eyes to the floor instead, tamping down the urge to look around.  
  
I leaned against the wall beside the door, folding my arms over my chest and waiting for Pike to speak.  
  
“You’re just going to stand there?” He asked after a moment.  
  
“ _ You _ wanted to talk, so...Talk.”  
  
“Would you like to sit?”  
  
“I’m fine here.”  
  
I heard Pike sigh.  
  
“Aren’t you tired of fighting?” He grumbled as he came closer. I could feel the effects of the tea, still; my stomach swirled with nerves as Pike’s feet entered my field of vision.  
  
“That’s _ rich _ coming from you.”  
  
He hummed, reaching out and plucking my water bottle and communicator from my hands. I let them go; I doubted that Pike and I were about to start sparring in his quarters again, but I already mourned not having something to hold onto or fidget with. I heard him set them aside before he was standing in front of me again.  
  
“... What happened on Koutov,” He started, and oh, _ god _ , I already wanted to melt into the floor, “Was not ideal.”  
  
“An astute summation, Captain.”  
  
I saw Pike’s hand twitch by his side before he pressed on, “I recognize that we were -- and _ are _ \-- under the effects of something that heightens our natural feelings.” I lifted my eyes to his, then, unable to help myself. I was wary, but so curious.  
  
“I also recognize that I crossed a boundary with you, and I’m sorry. It was unfair, and unprofessional, and I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”  
  
How was he being so goddamn level-headed _ now _ when he’d been so full of vim and vigor in the gym?  
  
“...You didn’t,” I managed after a moment, shaking my head, “And I’m sorry that I crossed that line as well. I-- I should never have touched you.”  
  
Pike swallowed thickly.  
  
“I told you that that was alright,” He pointed out. I uncrossed my arms and waved off the excuse.  
  
“Be that as it may, it didn’t exactly help what followed.”  
  
I could still picture it - still _ feel _ it, Pike’s hand sliding under my collar.  
  
His eyes were darting down now, to my lips, my throat. I felt myself shiver before I averted my eyes. This was a bad idea, this was a _ really _ bad idea. I should’ve stayed in my quarters and taken a shower and worked on some Klingon, _ damnit_.  
  
“Lieutenant…”  
  
Pike’s hands settled on either side of me on the wall, caging me in.  
  
“If it weren’t for Mr. Spock and Number One…” Pike stepped a little closer, our chests brushing; my eyelids fluttered closed as he rested his temple against mine, “If they hadn’t come back…” Our cheeks brushed and I felt my breath catch in my throat.  
  
“Y-Yes?” I managed. Pike didn’t answer, just turned his head. I peeked up at him as I felt his nose brush against mine. He’d closed his eyes; his brow was wrinkled in that sweet way it always got when he was thinking something through.  
  
“Wait,” I managed. Pike’s eyes opened and he leaned away to get a better look at me.  
  
“What’s wrong?” He murmured.  
  
“Is… Is this the tea, or is it me?” I winced as I asked it, damning my need for reassurance, but I had to know. I couldn’t just string my hopes along any more only to wind up back in my quarters later, reconsidering a transfer to the Hiawatha.  
  
Pike’s brow furrowed again as he looked over my face.  
  
“_Oh _ ,” He dipped his head back down as he seemed to realize something, raising a hand and cupping my cheek gently, “You have no idea what you do to me.”  
  
For a moment, we were waiting one another out just as we had waited for the first punch in the gym. I couldn’t imagine what was going through his mind, but I was grappling with indecision. Everything in me was alight with how close we were, how gently he was touching me; I could just imagine the unimpressed little frown Una would fix me with; Spock’s raised brow and his mutter of, “_Fascinating._”; my ears were ringing with what Pike had just uttered, its sincerity; his gaze was drifting to my lips, his tongue was darting out to wet his own--  
  
I surged up, pressing my lips to his, warm and chaste. I immediately started to panic, because -- Koutovian tea or not, I was kissing my _ Captain _ . But before I could lean all the way away, apologize profusely and turn tail, Pike’s other hand lifted from the wall, snaking around my back and drawing me even closer into his chest. Reassured that he wanted this, that I could _ touch _ , I raised a hand to cup the back of his neck. Pike hummed, tipping his head to the side and sliding his lips sweetly over mine. My stomach gave a triumphant little flip.  
  
Pike liked this. Pike liked this, and he liked _ me _ .  
  
I rested my other hand hesitantly on Pike’s shoulder, curling my fingers possessively in the fabric. Pike rested his forehead back against mine as our lips parted; I couldn’t help my leaning up to chase another peck or two. He chuckled softly, and I felt the sound shoot right down to my toes.  
  
“That answer your question?”  
  
I pretended to consider for a moment.  
  
“I may need further clarification, Captain,” I said, opening my eyes. He grinned down at me.   
  
“I’d be happy to assist, lieutenant,” He murmured.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I knew Chris and I had a lot to talk about still, and I wanted to be comfortable when we did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is fluffier than cotton candy. Enjoy.

It had taken some convincing, and I got to see Chris pout for the first time in my _ life_, but I managed to talk him into letting me go long enough to go back to my quarters. I was a sweaty mess from the gym. I knew he and I had a lot to talk about still, and I wanted to be comfortable when we did. I was quick about it, showering before changing into a clean pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. I didn’t want to get overly dressed up -- for one, if anyone saw me, I didn’t want them to report to Una, Spock, or Boyce that I looked too nice, especially when I was supposed to be resting. For two, it was _ Chris _. I didn’t look sloppy, but the man had just thrown me on the gym floor twice (I still wanted a rematch). 

When I returned to Chris’ quarters, I finally let myself look around. The decor was similar to his ready room; I could see hints of his Mojave upbringing in its decoration. I had been right before, too - that _ was _ a wingback chair that he’d thrown his command jacket over.   
  
“Feel better?”   
  
I glanced over at where Chris was emerging from the bathroom. He’d changed as well - and looked stupidly good in a standard issue cobalt blue henley.   
  
“Yes,” I admitted, resting my hands on the back on the wingback chair.   
  
It wasn’t just being able to go and shower off the grime and the gym floor (I’m telling you, I was going to get the damn rematch). Leaving gave me a few very badly needed minutes to clear my head and process what had happened - to acquaint myself with the idea of Pike seeing me like I’d always sort of hoped he would. Perhaps sensing my trepidation, Chris crossed the room. I held steady at the chair, and he rested a knee on it, leaning down and kissing me gently. I smiled as he rested his forehead against mine again - reassurance that nothing had managed to change in the fifteen minutes I’d been gone.

“Wanna sit now?” He teased.

“If you’re insisting.”

He had a wide chaise lounge across from a window, and the two of us settled down on it. I kicked my shoes off before I settled down, bending my knees and tucking myself into his side.

“Something tells me you fall asleep on this often,” I said, running my hand over the upholstery. He didn’t deny it, just let out a grunt. I smiled at the cozy image: Chris half asleep with a PADD in hand, curled up under the blanket that was folded on the back.

“…How long have you known?— About how I felt, I mean,” I glanced up at him as I slid an arm around his middle.

“Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering how transparent I’ve been.”

Chris chuckled, reaching down and stroking a knuckle along my jaw.

“Sandblossom,” He admitted.

That felt an age ago.

“What did I… I mean how—“

“It was before we beamed down, when we were in my ready room. The way you looked at me… I don’t know. I’d seen you look at me that way before, but you were usually a little more subtle about it. ‘Least, you tried to be.”

I groaned, turning and hiding my face in his neck. Chris laughed, arm curling around my shoulders.

“I wasn’t _ upset_,” He added, “Obviously. I liked you looking. I was looking, too.”

I considered that, thumb smoothing over the fabric of his shirt.

“Can you tell me something?” Chris added.

“Mm?”

“Earlier, what did you mean when you asked if it was you or the tea? I thought it was pretty clear that it was a combination.”

I hesitated in answering, and Chris leaned away to look down at me.

I raised my hand, watching as I toyed with his collar, “Not being familiar with Koutovian tea and how much of an effect it had on people’s actions-- well, I thought if the hormones were already in your bloodstream--”

“I’m _ very _curious as to who you thought I was interested in.”

“Chris—”

“Please. Humor me.”

I lifted my eyes to his.

“When… When we were on leave, and I was coming back from the long range sensor lab, I… I heard you with someone. I’m not asking you to explain or anything—“ I added, sitting up a bit, “What you do is your business, I’m not upset, but I didn’t see whoever it was, so… So, I don’t know, I thought it might’ve been whoever that was.”

Chris was looking at me with such amusement and incredulity that I was sure he was about to burst into laughter.

“I ran into a friend of mine at the Academy. We were test pilots together, she works in engineering on the Roosevelt. She didn’t have clearance to be on the ship, and she was making some…Modifications to the warp core that hadn’t been cleared by space dock. She was teasing me the entire time about how scandalous it was. I was trying to keep her quiet, but she’s a bit of a loudmouth.”

I cringed, turning my head away from him. God, I felt like such an idiot.

“You thought I was _ with _ someone?” His hand cupped my chin, turning my face back to look at him.

“It wasn’t a wholly unfounded assumption—“

“Even after Sandblossom?” He pressed.

“I was trying not to read too much into anything!”

Chris’ brow furrowed.

“Is that why you were so off the next day?”

“Off?” I repeated.

“At the Dominionese lecture. You barely looked at me.”

“I was focused.”

“Before and after?”

“…Intensely focused.”

Chris tipped his head to the side, and I sighed as I added, “And embarrassed as hell, like right now.”

Chris gave my chin a gentle squeeze before he lowered his hand, sliding it across my shoulders soothingly.

“And then that night at Liquara… You hardly looked at me. I thought I’d read you wrong, gotten too friendly,” He murmured. I felt shame bubble up in my stomach and I slouched down against him again, looking down at our knees.

“I felt like an idiot for thinking you were interested— And then what I said to you in the turbolift, and then when I tried to apologize— God, it just snowballed into a fucking disaster,” I tipped my head back against his shoulder, closing my eyes.

Chris turned his head, peppering the side of my face with kisses. I couldn’t help my smile, the giggle that burst out of me as he nuzzled against my temple.

“That’s enough frowning for now,” He murmured, “More than enough.”

“Well, some good came out of the whole thing. I’ve sworn off slush-os.”

Chris snorted at that and I grinned.   
  
“Can’t believe you didn’t think I was interested in you,” He murmured, “You drive me crazy.”

Tell that to the Spock-cap.   
  
I sighed, snuggling deeper into Chris’ side.   
  
“Tired?” He asked, rubbing his hand over my shoulder.   
  
“Mm. I think the tea’s wearing off. ‘Least, the nerve-y feeling is going away.”   
  
“And you _ did _ get your ass kicked in the gym.”   
  
“_O-_kay,” I sat up again to look down at a smug, grinning Chris, “I will have you know that I pulled those two punches during that second match. I could’ve taken you down, easy, Captain.”   
  
“No, lieutenant, I don’t think you could’ve,” Chris retorted, tucking a hand behind his head.   
  
“You’re sorely mistaken.”   
  
“If either one of us is sore, it’s you. Not only did you lose, but you hit the mat twice.”   
  
This was new - this was _ nice_. I’d seen Chris in a good mood before, I’d seen him a little cocky, but this felt different.   
  
“I want a rematch, mister.”   
  
“You’ll get one,” Chris laughed, “But not today. I’ve had more than enough of fighting with you to last me for a long time.”   
  
“So, tomorrow? Day after?”   
  
“Maybe the day after that.”   
  
“I’ll pencil it in.”   
  
Chris shook his head a little bit, a soft, fond smile affixed to his lips as he watched me.   
  
“C’mere,” He murmured. I felt my own smile widen a bit at his gentle bidding.   
  
“Yes?” I leaned down a little, bracing my hand against the back of the chaise to keep my balance. Chris’ hand curled around the back of my neck, drawing me closer. I closed my eyes as my lips slid across his. His hand dropped down, drawing me back against his chest as we kissed. It was sweet, and soft. We were both still a little tentative, still cautious with the press of our lips and our roaming hands. Chris was clearly in no rush, and not looking to hurry me along; his hands stayed above the belt, over my clothes, mostly settling on my cheek, or my neck, my arm, my side, my stomach. But _ anywhere _ he touched me sent the butterflies in my stomach into an absolute flurry.   
  
It wasn’t even the tea anymore.   
  
It was just _ him_. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Given the day’s events, I was more than a little scatterbrained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas Eve to those of you that partake! To those of you that do not, happy Thursday! I hope everyone is having a wonderful week! 💝
> 
> Warnings: Some fluff? Seems like not much of a warning but here we are. 
> 
> Also messages with the dash and italics indicate Reader's messages/responses

Hearing a communicator go off was like throwing a bucket of ice water over the two of us.    
  
Chris and I separated with soft, frustrated groans.    
  
“Whose?” He mumbled.    
  
“Mine,” I was already disentangling myself to retrieve it from where he’d set it down on the table by the door. I flicked it open, and before I could even speak, Una was asking,    
  
“Where are you?”    
  
My eyes darted to Chris, who was sitting up a little bit.    
  
“I’m fine.”    
  
“That’s an emotional state and not a physical location.”    
  
“Una,” I sighed, scrubbing my hand over my face, “I just… Need some time to process some stuff, alright?”    
  
“... You’re sure you’re fine?”    
  
“Yes. Are you?”    
  
“The tea had no effect on me, of course I’m fine.”    
  
I lowered my hand from my face, rolling my eyes a little.    
  
“Thanks for checking in.”   
  
“I’ll see you at your station tomorrow,” Una added before closing the channel. I shook my head a little, clicking my communicator shut.    
  
Neither Chris or I spoke for a moment. Just like that, the bubble had been popped - the world had been let in. We’d known, of course, that we had jobs to return to, ranks that we’d have to adhere to, but it had been nice to bask in one another for just a little while.    
  
“I should get back to my quarters and get some real rest,” I finally said. Chris didn’t fight me on it, just nodded and stood. I turned, collecting my water bottle as well.    
  
“We should talk about some things,” He said, “Not now, but…”    
  
I held my communicator up, giving it a wave, and he chuckled.    
  
“Yes, things like that.”    
  
“We’ll talk about it,” I agreed. Chris’ hands rested on my shoulders, and he kissed my cheek.    
  
“Do I get one more kiss before you go?” He murmured. I smiled a little, turning to face him and leaning up. I sighed at the feeling of him cupping my cheek, the now familiar (but still exciting) press of his lips against mine. I pecked his lips once more, and he sighed.    
  
“You’re sure you can’t stay a few more minutes?” He murmured, resting his forehead against mine.   
  
“I shouldn’t,” I mumbled.    
  
I didn’t leave for another hour.    
  
\--    
  
When I finally returned to my quarters, I was sleepy. The time I’d spent in the gym, followed by the couple of hours of lazing around with Chris, letting the tea burn out of our system, had worn me out. I’d more than earned myself a Klingon poem. Maybe a cup of tea--    
  
No. No tea. Hot cocoa?    
  
I settled down at my desk with my PADD and a notebook and pulled up an audio file of the latest poem I’d been working through. My grasp of the language was getting better. What had initially started as a pursuit to keep my mind off of the Captain was turning into a legitimate skill. I worked through significantly less of a poem than I typically would’ve in one sitting.   
  
Given the day’s events, I was more than a little scatterbrained. I found myself spacing out, my mind drifting to the conversations I’d had with Chris; to the way Chris had touched me; to the way Chris had kissed me. I was a little giddy with it, but I was also a little worried. He hadn’t seemed upset by the way I’d handled Una’s questions, and I’d known that we’d have to talk about how we’d handle being discreet sooner rather than later. The fact that he wanted to discuss it rather than working it out as we went had to be a vote of confidence, right?  It meant that this was more than a fling to him. At least, I hoped.   
  
I pushed the thought away, setting my pen aside and rolling my wrist. I turned my head at the sound of the door opening and smiled when I saw Thira.    
  
“Hey! How was your shift?” I asked. She waved me off.    
  
“Oh, you know, the usual. Tell me how Koutov was!” Thira said, coming to lean against my desk.    
  
“It was… Fine. Barely used me, I kinda just stood there.”    
  
“Did you get to try any of that tea Spock was talking about?”    
  
I nodded slowly, “You know… I did and uh… Not rushing to try it again.”    
  
\--    
  
Thaleh was back on board by the time we were on our way to our next destination. We had a short debrief, discussing the planets that we had visited while she was off of the ship. She had very few questions about Koutov, which was a relief (but apparently she’d already spoken to the Captain about it). I spent most of my shift working with Ensign Paledore, helping him get ready to beam down at our next stop.    
  
\--    
  
“You got my message, then.”    
  
“I did.”    
  
I settled on an armchair in the lounge across from Una’s. She’d sent me a message on my PADD shortly before the end of my shift.    
  
“I would’ve answered, but Pal was kinda panicking,” I added, giving her a small smile. Una nodded a little, looking me over. I waited for her to break the ice, and as usual, I didn’t have to wait for long.    
  
“Have you spoken to the Captain?”    
  
“Yes, we had a… A chance to speak.”    
  
“And?”   
  
“We’re fine. I don’t have to transfer to the Hiawatha.”    
  
Una’s brow furrowed, her head tipping to the side.    
  
“Was that an option?”    
  
“Only briefly, and, uh, only to myself.”    
  
Una quirked a brow before she leaned back in her seat, arms settling on the arm rests.    
  
“Slush-os and Koutovian tea. What will you swear off next?”    
  
“Time will tell,” I chuckled.    
  
“...Why the Hiawatha?”    
  
“I have a friend in engineering on the Hiawatha.”    
  
“How is it you always make friends with people in Engineering?”    
  
“You’re not in Engineering, I managed to make friends with you, right?”    
  
“Barely.”   


“That hurt me.”   


I grinned as I saw Una fight back a smile.    
  
\--   


**_C. Pike_**: Busy?   
  
I glanced down at the message that popped up on my PADD, obscuring the Klingon dictionary I’d been looking through. I smiled a bit.   
  
_\- Terribly_.   
  
**_C. Pike_**: Kidding?   
  
_\- Mostly_. _Translation exercise. _  
  
**_C. Pike_**: I thought your shift was over.   
  
_\- It is_.  
  
**_C. Pike_**: ??  
  
_\- Personal translation exercise. It’s like counting sheep for me. _  
  
**_C. Pike_**: Nerd.   
  
I snorted, shaking my head.   
  
_\- Good shift?_   
  
**_C. Pike_**: Fine. Yours?   
  
_\- Also fine. Still up for a rematch tomorrow?_

**_C. Pike_**: If you think you can handle it.    
  
I laughed, shaking my head.    
  
_ \- You’re so going down. I’m not going to pull my punches again.  _   
  
**_C. Pike_**: Understood. Looking forward to it, lieutenant.    
  
_ \- Me, too, Captain _ . 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Una gave me a look, one that I often received when we were not alone - she smiled solely with her eyes. Spock had managed to perfect the same technique. I had yet to accomplish it. If I was smiling, it was with my entire face; it was hard for me to hide when I was giddy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Cursing? A Compromising Situation™? Smooches™

“It’s gonna be fine, Pal,” I smiled a little bit, watching Ensign Paledore straighten his uniform. He was one of the newest additions to the Enterprise, but he was already proving invaluable to the work that we did as a Communications team. He’d taken on a lot of the day to day tasks that I’d been handling under Thaleh, freeing up more of my time to work with the bridge crew when needed (r_eal _ work, not like when Thaleh was on leave and I went to the Captain’s ready room to ‘discuss a report’). 

Paledore was a fairly fresh-faced kid off of Earth - New Orleans to be exact. He had a fairly thick accent most of the time, but he often managed to couch it when he was speaking another language. He was getting ready to beam down with the away team to translate for Captain Pike at a meeting on Sogaliv.   
  
“You’re sure you can’t beam down with us? Just in case?” Paledore asked as he straightened his uniform - _ again_. I smiled a little.   
  
“Look, I know that beaming down to a new planet is… Intimidating. But you know why you’re going down there, and you’ll be in good hands. The team won’t let anything happen to you.”   
  
“What if I translate something wrong? Or--”   
  
“Your mother is Sogalivian, Pal, you speak it as well as Federation Standard,” I reminded him with a chuckle.   
  
“Is there anything I should know? About Pike, I mean,” Paledore asked. I frowned, thinking for a moment.   
  
“Just… Don’t treat him like he’s on a pedestal. Tell him what he needs to know and don’t dance around the facts, even if you don’t think it’s what he wants to hear. Couching an unpleasantry in a smile and a quick turn of phrase won’t give the Captain what he needs to see that a job is done right.”   
  
Paledore took a deep breath and nodded.   
  
“Do the nerves ever go away?” He asked. I smiled.   
  
“They haven’t completely, for me, but they’ve become… Less.”   
  
Paledore and I turned our heads as Thaleh rounded the corner into our station.  
  
“Ready, ensign?” Thaleh asked, raising a brow. Paledore cast me one more look before turning back to Thaleh and giving her a bright smile, “Ready.” 

\--   
  
If I’d had to go by anything regarding Paledore’s performance on Sogaliv, I would’ve gone by his grin. Luckily for me, I’d also gotten his write-up of the mission, as well as a peak at Una’s. Paledore had not only performed exceptionally well, but he’d managed to smooth over a century-old mistranslation between the Federation and the planet of Sogaliv.   
  
Something told me Paledore wouldn’t be so wary of beaming down in the future.   
  
“What was the word that was mistranslated?” I asked Una later at dinner. She thought for a moment as she took a sip of her drink.   
  
“_Sarchelois _ ?” She sounded it out slowly,‘ _ SAHR-chel-wah’._ I frowned.   
  
“Bordering,” I translated.   
  
“The word apparently has about five more meanings than that in Sogalivian, though that is the most common, and so the one used when the Sogalivian contract was being written up with the Federation.”   
  
“Yikes,” I nodded a little, “Explains why Pal was smiling so widely when he got back, though.”   
  
“He didn’t tell you?”   
  
“No, I think he was too happy to speak. Should wear off in a day or two.”   
  
Una chuckled.   
  
“I remember when you were like that, all of… Four months ago.”   
  
I scoffed.   
  
“Come on, it’s been longer.”   
  
“Six months,” Una corrected herself. I rolled my eyes as she pressed on, “I remember the look on your face when Thaleh told you that you’d be beaming down to Uthea C-4. I thought your head was going to explode.”   
  
“Okay, I don’t get to interact with primary pre-warp texts often, if at all. It’s exciting!”   
  
Una gave me a look, one that I often received when we were not alone - she smiled _ solely _ with her eyes. Spock had managed to perfect the same technique. I had yet to accomplish it. If I was smiling, it was with my entire face; it was hard for me to hide when I was giddy.   
  
“Fine,” I turned back to my food, “Make fun of me for still liking my job.”   
  
“Do you, then?”   
  
I frowned.   
  
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”   
  
Una didn’t answer that, just shrugged her shoulders.   
  
I knew better. There was something on her mind, I just didn’t know what. 

\--

“You’re sure you can handle it?” I asked, walking backward into the gym, the Captain following me, “You’ve had a pretty long day, sir, negotiations and all. Wouldn’t want you to lose just ‘cause you’re tired.”   
  
Chris simply arched a brow at me.   
  
“Do you remember what I said a couple of days ago about not getting cocky, lieutenant?”   
  
“Vaguely.”   
  
“Right before you wound up on the mat?”   
  
“Mm, you mean right before I pulled those punches for your benefit, yes,” I turned to face forward, “It’s all coming back to me now.”   
  
“Best two of three again?” Chris asked as we set our things onto the bench beside the mats.   
  
“That's all you can handle?” I asked. Chris glanced around before he stepped a lower closer to me, murmuring, “You have no idea what I can handle, lieutenant.”   
  
“Then you’ll have to show me, Captain,” I retorted, grinning as his eyes grew dark. 

\--

An hour and a half later, Chris and I were sweating, sore, and our scores were tied.  
  
“Alright,” Chris held his hand out to me to help me up, “I think we ought to call it for the night.”   
  
I hated to admit it, but he was right.   
  
“_Alright_,” I sighed heavily, letting go of his hand. Even as we reached for our things, I noticed Chris standing closer than he typically did, his arm brushing against mine. Maybe I wouldn't have been wary of it before, but now that Chris and I were… Well, I didn’t know _ what _ we were, exactly, but now that we were it, I found myself more aware of how much contact he and I were making, and how many other people were around.   
  
As we passed down the hall together, I absently noted where we are, and I huffed a soft laugh.   
  
“What is it?” He asked.   
  
“No, nothing.”   
  
“You’re laughing over nothing? I refuse to believe that,” Chris’ shoulder bumped mine. I glanced up at him before I shrugged.   
  
“This was where I was when I… I heard what I thought I heard, that’s all.”   
  
Realization crossed Chris’ features, and he nodded a little, murmuring, “I see.”   
  
We continued to the turbolift in silence for a moment. Then, “What _ exactly _ did you hear?”   
  
“I told you what it was.”   
  
“No, you told me about what you heard.”   
  
He lowered his voice, tipping his head toward mine, “It must’ve been moderately suggestive if you assumed that I was with someone.”   
  
“She said your name, is all.”   
  
“That’s it?” Chris stopped walking, and I groaned, stopping a few paces away and turning to face him.   
  
“Can we…?” I nodded over my shoulder.   
  
“Nu-uh. That’s all it took and that’s where your mind went?”   
  
“You make me sound so suspicious,” I laughed, “It was _ how _ she said it.”   
  
“How’d she say it?”   
  
I opened my mouth, then hesitated and shook my head. Chris’ eyes lit up. Oh, _ god_, I knew that look now. I was in trouble.   
  
“Come on,” I added, taking a couple of steps back toward the turbolift.   
  
“How’d she say it?” He repeated.   
  
“I can’t!” I laughed, full of nervous energy, vaguely gesturing to the hall around us. Chris’ eyes did a sweep of the area before he waved me toward him. I took a couple of steps, still shaking my head, then watched as he opened the door beside him.   
  
“What--”   
  
“C’mere,” He waved me closer, “Quickly.”   
  
I huffed, hurrying to join him and ducking under his arm--   
  
Into a maintenance closet. It was dim; the walls were lined with shelves full of supplies.   
  
“Are you kidding?” I asked flatly, leaning against the shelf behind me as Chris squeezed in across from me. There was little room between the two of us.   
  
“Well someone wouldn’t answer me in the hallway,” Chris retorted as he rested his hands on the shelves behind me.   
  
“I’m only going to repeat myself one more time, lieutenant,” he added, his voice lowering to the murmur it had briefly been in the gym, “How did she say it?”   
  
I bit my lip. This was embarrassing. God, why did I even say anything?   
  
“Well… She giggled-- Which I refuse to demonstrate,” I raised a hand, poking my finger into his chest; he clearly wasn't intimidated by my resolve, his smile just widened, “And then she… Kinda sighed your name, I guess.”   
  
“I’m going to need you to demonstrate that, if not the giggle.”   
  
I felt my face heating up.   
  
“I-- I can’t,” I mumbled, embarrassed, “Not with you looking at me.”   
  
Chris hummed, thoughtful. Then one of his hands lowered from the shelf and settled on my hip, gently turning me away from him to face the shelves. I felt him crowd closer, his broad chest pressing against my back as his lips brushed the shell of my ear. He murmured, “How about now?”   
  
I shivered and closed my eyes, nodding a little.   
  
“I’m waiting, lieutenant,” he warned.   
  
I felt like my head was going to pop.   
  
“Oh, Chris,” I winced as I sighed in my best approximation. His hand tightened on my hip.   
  
“Just like that?” He murmured. I nodded, humming the affirmative. I sounded as stupidly breathy as I had on Koutov, but I had no tea to blame this time.   
  
“Say it again,” He ordered. I bit my lip again to stifle a whine. There was an edge of his authoritative _ Captain _ tone to the way he’d spoken. I steeled myself, taking a deep breath.   
  
“Oh, _ Chris_\-- Oh!” I gasped softly as he began to lay kisses down the side of my neck; the hand that had settled on my hip slid around my front, drawing me back against his chest.   
  
“I see what you mean,” He murmured between kisses, “That...Would sound...Exceptionally compromising.”   
  
I nodded a little, raising a hand to reach back and slid it into his hair. He groaned against my skin.   
  
“You understand why I didn’t wanna-- In the hallway?” I mumbled. Chris hummed against my neck and I squirmed, unable to help myself. His arm tightened around me, stilling me.   
  
“We should get out of here,” He turned his head, pressing a kiss to my temple.   
  
“I don’t know,” I turned to face him, leaning back against the shelf again, “I know I was a little unimpressed at first but I… Think I could get used to this.”   
  
Chris chuckled, leaning down and pressing his lips to mine. I sighed, looping my arms around his neck.   
  
“We need to,” he insisted as he leaned away again, even as I leaned up, kissing his cheek and jaw and wherever I could reach, “I want to take my time with you, and you deserve better than a maintenance closet.”   
  
I felt myself warm at that and I dragged Chris down for another kiss.   
  
“I’ll make sure the coast is clear. Safer if I check,” I sighed. Chris nodded, stepping back into what little room he could to let me open the door. I poked my head out, checking both ways and listening for incoming footsteps before I stepped into the hall, waving for Chris to follow. I was already halfway down the hall by the time he stepped out of the closet.   
  
He caught up to me at the turbolift.   
  
“My quarters?” He asked softly, watching me. And fuck, I wanted to, but I couldn’t.   
  
“I have to speak with Thaleh early about Pal’s training program,” I grimaced, “I’m sorry.”   
  
Chris shook his head, murmuring, “It’s alright.”   
  
We stepped onto the turbolift, and I couldn’t help but look at him - at the slight flush on his cheeks (which could easily be passed off as the result of our time spent at the gym) or the hair that I’d pushed out of place. But Chris was looking, too. It seemed that neither of us could contain our smiles.   
  
“I’ll see you later,” I said as I stepped off of the turbolift, “Goodnight, Captain.”   
  
“Goodnight, lieutenant.”


End file.
